August 2004 Codependent Defenses - Part 1 The Gatekeeper  - The first in a sub series of articles focused on the ways that our codependent defenses cause us to sabotage romantic relationships as a result of our wounding and fear of intimacy.  The Codependent "Gatekeeper" is trying to defend our heart in ways that are dysfunctional and actually block us from Loving and being Loved

September 2004 Codependent Defenses - Part 2 disassociation vs healthy detachment - Disassociation keeps us from being in touch with our own heart and soul because we are disassociated from our own feelings.  Detachment can be the key to healing if we can develop a proactive, intervening observer perspective that allows us to change the ego programming and compassionately heal our emotional wounds.

October 2004 Codependent Defenses - Part 3 My Gatekeeper - Toxic Shame is the ultimate Gatekeeper in our fear of intimacy defenses.  "At the core of the disease of codependency is toxic shame - the feeling that something is wrong with who I am, with my being. "I am unlovable and it is my fault" - is the core lie of codependency."

January 2005 A Higher Power of my own understanding - The first article in a new series focused upon sharing my Spiritual beliefs and how those beliefs have developed and evolved over my time in recovery.  "From an astrological perspective, the Age of Healing and Joy that I talk about in my book, can be seen as the Age of Aquarius."

February 2005 A Higher Power of my own understanding 2 - the beginning of empowerment - The second article in a new series, about the book Illusions by Richard Bach, and the impact it had on my quest for Spiritual understanding.  "It was when I was about 3 months sober that a book came into my life that altered my life, and my perspective of a Higher Power, immeasurably."

March 2005 Spirituality - a broader perspective - The third article in a new series, is focused on my perspective of spirituality versus religion.  "That there could even be such a thing as "Christian hate mail" is to me evidence of how twisted and perverted the teachings of Jesus Christ - whose message was about Love - have been in some versions of Christianity."

April 2005 Inspiration from the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous - The fourth article in a new series, about a chapter in AA Big Book that had major impact on me.  "This chapter - which used to be called "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict" - was written by a man named Dr. Paul.  It was from his chapter that I got a lot of the basic foundation for my codependency recovery.  His chapter was instrumental in my search for a Higher Power of my own understanding."

May 2005 God the Father, and my father - The fifth article in a new series, about the death of my father - and how my relationship with my father and the concept of God the Father that was imposed upon me in childhood crippled me emotionally for much of my life.  "My father was an emotional cripple.  A man who had learned that real men don't get scared or hurt or sad - real men only get angry."

June 2005 Quantum Physics - expanding my Spiritual paradigm - The sixth article in a new series, focused on quantum physics.  "I don't remember now how I was led to studying quantum physics - or when exactly on my Spiritual growth path it happened - but it was a major influence for me in a multitude of ways."

July 2005  Vibrational Dance - Universe = Dance of Energy - Seventh article in the new series in which I talk about how starting to see emotions as energy with a vibrational frequency caused a shift in my perspective - and led me to study quantum physics.  "Doing my emotional healing had led me into doing deep grief work which I discovered involved releasing energy. The more I became clear that emotions were actual energy that needed to flow instead of being blocked, the easier it became for me to get in touch with my emotions and open up to healing them through energy release."

Autust 2005  Love as a vibrational frequency - The eigth article in the series, in which I discuss accessing the higher vibrational emotional energy of Love by being in the moment. "The easiest place for many of us to access this Love energy is in nature.  Watching a beautiful sunset or looking out over a magnificent landscape can make it easier to access the vibrational frequency of Love, Light, Truth, Beauty, and Joy."

September 2005 Balance on the horizontal, Integration of the vertical - The ninth article in this series- focused on discussion of two planes of existence. "One of the ways it is helpful to me to think of this is in terms of the horizontal and vertical. The horizontal is about being human and relating to other humans and our environment. The vertical is Spiritual, about our relationship to a Higher Power, to the Universal Source."

October 2005  Higher Power of my own understanding - final word -  My final article on Suite101. "I had expected to continue to explore this subject for at least the rest of this year, but circumstances now dictate that I end this series of articles today. Suite 101 is going through some changes that dictate that it will no longer be practical for me to continue to write here, because the new requirements for writers will involve an investment of time that is - to me - nowhere near worth what they are willing to pay for that time. Due to this development, I am going to summarize my Spiritual beliefs in this column."

". . . I have been writing about here . . . . since my first Suite 101 column in March 1999. I have enjoyed my association with Suite 101 and am sad to see it end - but as I stated, I believe that everything is unfolding perfectly

January 2002  To Parents of Alcoholics / Addicts  -  The first of a series of articles focused on applying twelve step recovery principles in relationship to parenting and families. This article is a message to parents of alcoholics / addicts.

February 2002 Enabling & Rescuing vs Tough Love  -  The second of a series of articles focused on applying twelve step recovery principles in relationship to parenting and families. This article is about enabling.

March 2002 Letting Go of Unavailable People  -  The third of a series of articles focused on applying twelve step recovery principles and tools in relationship to relationships, parenting, families, and other miscellaneous topics. This article discusses the importance of focusing on cause by letting go of focusing on the symptoms.

April 2002 Obsession / Obsessive Thinking  -  Another in a series of articles looking at different manifestations of codependency and how the Spiritual principles of twelve step recovery can be applied to facilitate healing. This first of two articles focused on obsession and obsessive thinking.

May 2002 Obsession / Obsessive Thinking Part 2  -  Another in a series of articles looking at different manifestations of codependency and how the Spiritual principles of twelve step recovery can be applied to facilitate healing. This part 2 about obsession and obsessive thinking.

June 2002 Discernment - The Wisdom to Know the Difference  - Another in a series of articles looking at different manifestations of codependency and how the Spiritual principles of twelve step recovery can be applied to facilitate healing. This is the first of several articles the importance of discernment.

July 2002 Serenity - Accepting the things we cannot change  -  Another in a series of articles looking at different manifestations of codependency and how the Spiritual principles of twelve step recovery can be applied to facilitate healing. This one is focused on practicing the Serenity Prayer by accepting life events instead of creating a lot of artificial stress by freaking out because we are not in control.

August 2002 Intellectual Discernment - focused within  -  Another in a series of articles looking at different manifestations of codependency and how the Spiritual principles of twelve step recovery can be applied to facilitate healing. This one is focused on the importance of starting to practice intellectual discernment so that we can start changing the attitudes and beliefs that are setting us up to have a dysfunctional perspective of life.

September 2002 Emotional Discernment - taking power away from the fear  - Another in a series of articles discussing how to apply the Serenity Prayer in our lives by having the wisdom and discernment to recognize the things we do have the power to change. This one is focused upon practicing emotional discernment in order to take power away from codependent fear.

October 2002 Intellectual Discernment - shutting up the critical voice  -  Another in a series of articles discussing how to apply the Serenity Prayer in our lives by having the wisdom and discernment to recognize the things we do have the power to change. This one is focused upon practicing intellectual discernment in order to take power away from the critical parent voice in our minds.

November 2002 Emotional Discernment - Watch how you speak  -  Another in a series of articles discussing how to apply the Serenity Prayer in our lives by having the wisdom and discernment to recognize the things we do have the power to change. This one is focused upon becoming conscious of ways we learned to talk about our feelings that are dysfunctional and dishonest.

December 2002 Intellectual Discernment - "have to" and the Holiday  -  Another in a series of articles discussing how to apply the Serenity Prayer in our lives by having the wisdom and discernment to recognize the things we do have the power to change. This one is focused not buying into being a victim of "having to" spend time with dysfunctional families during the Holiday Season.

January 2003 Emotional Discernment - disarming the emotional mine field within  -  Another in a series of articles discussing how to apply the Serenity Prayer in our lives by having the wisdom and discernment to recognize the things we do have the power to change. This one is focused learning to disarm the emotional buttons / minefield within by doing inner child healing work.

February 2003 Intellectual Discernment - Choices, not "shoulds"  -  Another in a series of articles discussing how to apply the Serenity Prayer in our lives by having the wisdom and discernment to recognize the things we do have the power to change. This one is about how we can treat our self in a more loving way by owning that we have choices in our lives instead of "should"ing on our self.

March 2003 Men and Women are from the same planet  -  This is the beginning of a new series of articles (which will in fact still be focused upon discernment, both intellectually and emotionally) in relationship to issues involving gender, sexuality, romantic relationships, and directly related topics. This first of the series states that though men and women are different, they are not from different planets. Dysfunctional, patriarchal, shame based civilization on the planet Earth has produced comically bloated and twisted concepts of masculine and feminine that have wounded both men and women.

April 2003 The Maiden and the Horndog  -  This is the second article in a series which are focused upon issues involving gender, sexuality, romantic relationships, and directly related topics.  This one discusses how women have traditionally been taught to be codependent on their relationships with men while men were taught to be codependent on what they do - and touches on the genetic racial programming that creates the Maiden archetype in women, and the horny teenage perspective that emotionally immature men have towards women. 

May 2003 Old tapes / traditional beliefs and roles  -  Another in a series of articles focused upon issues involving gender, sexuality, romantic relationships, and directly related topics.  This month's article stresses how important it is for human beings to own the power to change and grow - and to not buy into being the victim of either childhood programming or traditional beliefs, values, and gender roles. 

June 2003 Monogamy  -  Another in a series of articles focused upon issues involving gender, sexuality, romantic relationships, and directly related topics.  In this months article I share my perspective of monogamy. 

July 2003  Healthy Joyous Sexuality - As part of my ongoing series focused upon issues involving gender, sexuality, romantic relationships, and directly related topics, I am republishing this article which was originally published here as part of my Healthy Relationship series in January of 2000 

August 2003  Homosexuality - and the Bible - This months article in this series is focused upon homosexuality as a normal natural part of human reality - and touches upon homophobic interpretations of the Bible. 

September 2003  The Crippling Shame of Incest / Sexual Abuse - The incredible pain and shame generated by incestuous sexual abuse can cripple a persons relationship with their own body - often causes a person to identify their body, and their sexuality, as the enemy. 

October 2003  Sexuality Abuse - There are different ways in which the messages and role modeling of shame based adults / culture damaged many of us in our relationship with our own sexuality. 

November 2003  Emotional Incest = Sexuality Abuse - Emotional incest is another form of emotional abuse that falls into the category of what I call sexuality abuse - in that it damages our relationship with our own sexuality. 

December 2003  Setting Internal Boundaries in relationship to Romantic, Sexual Relationships - It is very important to be able to set boundaries with the wounded inner child places and imbalanced archetypal energies within in our romantic relationships.

January 2004 Taking self worth out of the equation in Romantic Relationships - A healthy romantic relationship is an interdependent relationship - not a codependent one, not one where our self worth is at risk.

February 2004  Falling in love as a choice - Realizing that "falling in love" can be a conscious, discerning choice is a key to learning how to stop seeing ourselves as victims in romantic relationships.

March 2004  Energetic Attraction - emotional familiarity or Karmic connection? - Someone can feel familiar in a way that recreates our wounding with our parents / patterns - and be a soul mate also.  In fact, it is inevitable that when we do meet someone who is our soul mate - or even more powerfully our twin soul - there will be Karma to settle.

April 2004  Emotional Intimacy = in to me see - If we cannot see into our self clearly, then we are not available for emotional intimacy.  "We need to learn to open our hearts to our self, in order to be capable of Truly opening our hearts to another person."

May 2004  Fear of Intimacy - Relationship Phobia - My fear of intimacy was so great that I effectively had a relationship phobia for most of my life.