Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page
This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Cosmic Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.  These Update Newsletters are posted about 5 times a year at 2 to 3 month intervals.  A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list when a new Update is posted. (e-mail link below)
Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update

April 11, 2002

To all the Magnificent Spiritual Beings on my e-mailing list,

Well, these Updates are turning into more of a quarterly occurrence than every two months.  Such is my life right now - pretty busy.

I have been in one of my writing frenzies where I am often getting up at 3 or 4 AM to start writing because the words and ideas are pouring forth.   Several times I have been up by midnight, and writing until 6 or 7 before laying down for a nap.  And this frenzy has been leading me on a merry chase through the labyrinth.

"As I said in the Update part of this Newsletter, my process, and especially my writing, can be like finding my way through a labyrinth.  (And it just occurred to me, may be what some people's experience of my web site is like.;-)
Writing about this level of recovery for me is like exploring some kind of labyrinth at times - each twist and turn I follow leads to a new perspective, to a different facet - and just when I think I am finished, I turn a corner and am headed back into the maze.  - Joy2MeU Update 5-23-01
I have periods where I can't write at all - and then when I need to write, I have great resistance to getting started.  (As I have talked about in past Update Newsletters.)   Then I have periods that are a kind of creative frenzy, where it feels as if I can't write fast enough to get all that is pouring out onto paper (Computer screen.)

I have been in one of those creative frenzies for some weeks now. . . . . . .  Once the floodgates open, what I try to do, is direct the flow of my writing towards the goal I have in mind.  An article focused on a specific area, or my Update Newsletter or whatever.  I have some points I want to make, and I choose a starting point and then leap into the labyrinth."  -  Joy2MeU Update 5-23-01 Newsletter 1

I have been on this particular journey into the labyrinth for over a month now - with no end in sight.  After posting the January Update - and the two part Newsletter that insisted on accompanying it - I had to put some major hours into some slight rewrites and adjustments in design of some of my web pages to accommodate a change in the major marketing tool I use to help make my web site available to people searching the internet.  In doing so, I realized that I had never really explained fear of intimacy in a simple, straight forward manner.  Thus I wrote the article Fear of Intimacy - about the wounding that is at the heart of our codependency.  That process also led to a new entry page for the site explaining my Spiritual beliefs in a direct straight forward manner: Abundant Spirituality in the New Age

I then wrote and added several pages to the Joy2MeU Journal and rewrote the Journal information page to reflect the evolution of that collection of writing.  It was while doing this that I really got sucked into the whirlpool of the labyrinth.  I had done a considerable amount of writing during February and early March, but it was while working on the Journal that this latest writing frenzy really kicked up a few notches in intensity. 

Here is a paragraph I wrote this morning for part 4 of my newest multi-part web article, that tells a bit about what happened.

"This seems to have turned into some kind of manifesto.  The irony of this is pretty remarkable.  As I said in part 1, the idea of doing a web page in answer to this person's article has been in the back of my mind for some time.  A month ago as I was moving the bulk of the Attack on America book I had published online to my password protected Journal site - in part because I thought that many people may not be ready for the level of honesty with which I expressed my perspective on unfolding world events, and/or the level of personal intimacy which I shared in doing that - I decided to move a series of articles about the Twelve Steps from that Journal site to the Joy2MeU site to make them more widely available.  In moving that 4 part series, I ended up expanding it to a 7 part series.  One of the articles that I realized I needed to write as part of that series, was one focusing on the concepts of powerlessness and unmanageability from a twelve step perspective in relationship to codependency.  In the process of writing that article, I wrote a section that I realized did not really belong in that series in terms of scope and tone.  In looking for a context in which to use that section, I ended up starting to write this article.  So, here I am, boldly and baldly stating my Truth in public again.  Oh well.  Here is the section I wrote that sparked this web article."
The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! Part 4
After writing that paragraph, I surrendered to the reality that I wasn't going to be able to get all 5 parts of this newest article finished in time to meet my goal of getting my Update out by this coming weekend.  So, I let that go for the moment and starting working on this.  I am posting part 1 of The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages! at the same time I post this Update.  Parts 2 thru 5 - though about 90 % finished, need some work and will probably be posted (at least a few of them since I plan to be alternately writing in my journal in the coming weeks) in a week.

The last 3 articles in the The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process series of articles will not be too far behind I hope.  At least the one on Powerlessness and Unmanageability should probably be posted before the end of April.  Here is an excerpt from the first article in that series explaining the process of it's manifestation.

"In March of 2002 as I was preparing to move the bulk of the book I wrote and published online about the September 11th Attack on America to my Joy2MeU Journal (as I forewarned in my January 2002 Update) I decided to move this series of articles to the regular Joy2MeU web site.  I realized that - though the foundation of my work is the ancient Spiritual Principles and process that I learned by working a twelve step program, and I talk about those principles and that process to some extent in all of my writing - I did not have very much written here on my regular web site that actually talks about the steps themselves.

When I originally started publishing these articles in the Joy2MeU Journal, it was because I thought I would need to create enough content to make the Journal attractive to potential subscribers.  The Journal has turned into something quite different from my original vision of it, and because the story of my recovery and Spiritual journey expanded to include a personal intimate journal about my process over the last 3 years there is plenty of content in that Journal for people who resonate strongly with my writing.  Thus, moving this series of articles (which has been expanded from 4 to 6 articles) to Joy2MeU to make them available to the public as a whole makes sense.

The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process
In the course of taking what I believed was a brief break from writing for my Journal, I ended up with what will be 12 new web pages for Joy2MeU.  Such is the latest result for me of surrendering to the whirlpool of the writing labyrinth.
Additions to the web site since the January Update include:

a continuation of that Update in a two part Newsletter

A new article Fear of Intimacy

A new entry page Abundant Spirituality in the New Age

The first 4 articles in a series on The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process

Part 1 of a 5 part web article The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!

A reorganization & slight rewrite to the Choosing a therapist or counselor with discernment page

The Joy2MeU Journal information page has been rewritten and updated to reflect the current situation in regard to that body of work in it's password protected site.

In addition:

Bookstores in Utah, Pennsylvania, New York, & Massachusetts stocked the book - these are listed on bottom of New page.

4 new resources added on the Finding CoDA meetings page - Northern Georgia, Ottawa Canada, Berlin Germany, and an international meeting list.

Three new resources have been added to the Referral to local Therapist / Counselors page - including one who is involved in retreats in Pennsylvania.

A new webring about Twin Souls (on both the webring page and the The True Nature of Love - part 6, Twin Souls, Souls Mates, and Kindred Spirits page.)

Also 4 new awards (including 3 beautiful ones from Lesbian Friends in Recovery site) and ten new Links

A paradigm shift in my perspective of my future books led me to rewrite the investment opportunity page.

I have added a combination offer for book and 1 1/2 hour counseling session to the phone counseling page.

So many heart felt and touching testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site have been pouring in, that I am adding a bunch of new ones only a month after adding the last bunch.

A change in my relationship with suite101 has resulted in my decision to add a section to this Update in which I list the articles which I have published there since my last Update.  See the lower part of the page for those articles.

Graphic of two hearts with an arrow through them - signifying both Love and heartbreak.
Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page.  Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.

Frogs and Whales and a Lizard too

Someone sent an e-mail suggesting an idea to add to my "to do" list.  I already have enough writing ideas percolating in my mind to keep me busy for the rest of this year - literally.   Taking my daily (twice daily whenever possible) walk by the ocean the other day, I got some ideas from a whale (huge monster of a whale - and a surprise since the migration of the Gray Whales, which had them passing by for months has ended) and a lizard (which stopped directly in my path and looked at me to help me understand the importance of the messages) helped me to understand where the next chapters of my Trilogy were going to go - and caused a paradigm shift in my perspective of my future books.

So, I have probably 5 or 6 articles for my Journal dancing in my mind right now, along with the ones from the twelve step series and the last 4 parts of the one about marriages - and at least 3 others partially written that I promised someplace on the site and whose time hasn't come yet.  I also, have a whole list of other types of "to do" things - either my own ideas or suggestions (including one about getting my tapes available on CD, which hadn't ever occurred to me.)  In the meantime, I need to finish my taxes, am dealing with some health issues and trying to figure out where the financial means are going to come from to do a second printing of the book, take my son on a trip this summer, upgrade to a better situation car wise - and some other of that mundane level of challenges. 

It really is an exciting adventure, and I do really Love it most of the time.  The mundane human level of existence can feel like a real pain in the derriere sometimes - but then I never felt comfortable down here in human body anyway, this is not my home.  It is boarding school - which means lessons to be learned.  (One of my phone counseling clients was telling me about a spiritual group he was checking out who call them Blessons.  I like that.)   I am just so incredibly grateful for the gift of recovery that allows me the serenity to take responsibility - to the best of my ability to respond in the moment - for the mundane levels without spinning out into the emotional anguish, mental contortions and intellectual gymnastics of the codependent, impending doom, fear based, right and wrong thinking (in reaction to the pain and shame of a false sense of unworthiness.)  The twelve step recovery tools of surrendering my way (the way I think things need to be/have to work in order for me to be OK), accepting the Universe's plan, and taking action to align with The Force - the God / Goddess / Great Spirit who Loves me Unconditionally - work wonderfully well.  (That was a description of working the first three steps.)  An adventure into the unknown - boldly going where I do not remember ever going before - that is recovery, a real E ticket ride.

It does sometimes seem like I am Alice who has fallen down the rabbit's hole.  It is certainly an exciting, exhilarating, madcap adventure.  This recovery business is a totally different dimension - a True Magical Wonderland (once you get past being so scared of the terror and pain and rage and all. ;-)

More Will Be Revealed - as I was told in early recovery and have found to be a reliable and consistent Truth.

Oh, and I have to tell you about the really cool frog I got as a April Fools Day present.  The symbolism of the frog in my recovery is something I talk about in The Story of Joy to You & Me in the first issue of my Joy2MeU Journal - the story of where the title of my company came from, and the name of my web site - in the first issue of the Joy2MeU Journal.  This particular frog came to me at a particularly perfect time to give me guidance about an issue, and was sent to me by a former client in Santa Barbara.  It sings.  It's mouth and eyelids move - and it really looks like it is singing.  I Love it.  My inner children Love it.

It is just one of multiplying chain of magical things that have been happening lately - including a few that literally gave me chills, sent little vibrational spasms rippling through my body.  I am going to save writing about those for my journal because they are an important part of my unfolding process that I need to process through by writing.  Some powerful and transformational things are stirring - paradigms are shifting - and I am not sure at this point what it all means.  Again, More Will Be Revealed.

So, I am going to keep this Update pretty short and to the point - so I can get back to my taxes for one thing.  I am using the right hand margin above to announce some of the changes and additions that I sometimes talk about in the body of this Newsletter.  That is to help me keep from getting into a new level of the labyrinth while writing this.  A new feature is that the latest articles on my suite101 page are going to be announced in these Updates from now on - which I explain below.

Back in February and early March, I heard myself saying to people who asked how I was doing, "I'm grinding.  You know how it is, sometimes you're flying and sometimes you're grinding."  I said that even though the people I was saying it to probably didn't have a clue what I was talking about - since they had probably never been flying.  What I meant by that was something similar to a phrase from AA about "trudging the road to happy destiny."  I always disliked the way that sounded - sounds like sludge.  When I looked it up in the dictionary however, it meant striding purposefully.  My grinding is not really striding purposefully, but it is about moving forward - moving through the day doing the next thing in front of me.  I take it as it comes (working those first 3 steps) and enjoy as many of the moments of the day as possible, maybe taking a short flight here and there - but it is not a Flying Time. 

I have learned in the course of my recovery, that there are slow times and there are speeded up periods.  It was real important for me to learn not to take this rhythm of life personally.  My codependency wanted me to take it personally as if I had done something wrong - and beat myself up for it while trying to figure it out how to change it.  It is so important to accept wherever we are and make the best of it, to not judge self and at the same time choose to take positive actions to make the best of today - knowing the plan is unfolding perfectly. 

During those grinding times, I have moments of every day when I am able to tune into Joy and Love and Light - some days quite a few moments.  But it is not the same as the times when the magic is coming fast and furious - when I often feel like I am soaring on the wings of that Joy and Love.  When my Higher Power is the wind beneath my wings in a powerful and magical way.  I have begun a Flying Time now - I do Love it.  (We addicts like intensity you know. ;-)  Until my next Update, remember to be kind to your self.

With Wishes of Joy to Me and You all 2,

PS.  Oh, but I do want to share one of those really magical experiences with you.  In mid February, I was walking on the ranch where I Love to walk - and was in quite a grumpy mood.  I was not happy with my Higher Power because of those health issues I alluded to - and especially not happy about some changes in my life style that I have been Choosing to make. (Choosing is capitalized because the critical parent voice is stuck in a victim perspective in regard to letting go of some old friends food wise, and tried to slip "have to" in there.)  I was demanding that my Higher Power give me a major sign if this was really what I needed to do.  And I specified MAJOR sign.  I even said (thought - in my inner dialogue with my HP) "None of these little miracles here now.  Sighting some whale spouts in the distance is not going to get it.  I want a MAJOR miracle."

(The Gray whales migrate down the coast here on their way to Baja California and back - roughly between November and April.  They were a little late this year and I had been having sightings of them beginning in about December.  But nothing spectacular.  From the last week in February until close to the end of March they were passing every day, heading back North.  Sometimes, they would be within a few hundred yards of shore, but mostly farther out.  It was possible when they were not too far out to see their backs and/or tails as they surface to blow /breathe - but mostly it was a matter of spotting the spouts.)

And I went on to specify that I would prefer that MAJOR miracle to be in either the financial area or on the romantic relationship front.  It is probably a little over 3/4 of a mile each way that I walk - and I was making these demands to my Higher Power as I drove up and parked to get out for my walk.  As usual, the walk was helping me to get back into balance, back into a place of more serenity.  But I was still a bit grumpy as I turned around and headed back North (wisdom in the Medicine Wheel beliefs.)  Suddenly, out of the ocean only a hundred yards off shore - directly in my field of vision as the trail wandered - rose a Humpback whale breaching. I shouted and threw my arms in the air - it was so magnificent.  He proceeded to breach 6 more times - coming over half way out of the water each time.  7 times he breached only a hundred yards off shore - spectacular, TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!   Then he turned and headed South. (Innocence and trust, place of the child within in the Medicine Cards.)

I got my MAJOR miracle. ;-)

Broken hearts and broken dreams lead to fear of risking - graphic with two hearts with an arrow through them.
PPS  I decided to add a few new things at the last minute, so this is PS 2.  As I mention in the right hand column above, the positive feedback has really been pouring in lately.  (Thank you to everyone who has written.;-)  So many heart felt and touching testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site have been pouring in, that I added a bunch of new ones only a month after adding the last bunch.  One person who wrote some weeks ago to thank me for the audio tapes of the book is a therapist in Pennsylvania.  In my reply to her, I asked if she would like to be added to my referral page for local healers.  I had not heard back from her, and e-mailed her again earlier this week because I was going to be making an addition to that page anyway - and I preferred to do any additions at the same time. (Each Update also requires additions to as many as a dozen other web pages - which have to be changed, checked to see how they look in different browsers, and updated to the web.  Takes time.)  I just heard from her this afternoon (April 13th) - and the thing about the information she sent me that caught my attention, was that she is involved in monthly 5 day retreats for dealing with childhood issues.  (In Pennsylvania near the Maryland border.)  I have people inquire occasionally to see if I know of any retreats they can attend or if I do retreats.  I would Love to be able to do retreats, but that involves financial resources that I don't have.  However, an interesting possibility popped up lately.  A couple who organize cruises for recovering people, recently moved to the small community I live in.  These ocean cruises for recovering people often feature speakers - notable figures in recovery (including another local author Lucia Capacchione, an art therapist whose books - especially Recovery of Your Inner Child - I recommend on my bookstore page.)  The idea of this intrigued me - and I mentioned to them that I wouldn't mind being their speaker for a cruise to watch the Whales calve in Baja next winter. (The Alaska trip would be pretty cool also.)  I can envision a week long retreat at sea.  Doesn't that sound interesting? 

Anyway, I had not planned on adding any more recommended links at the time of this Update because I already added two batches since the last Update.  But the retreat idea reminder that I got today led me to decide to add a link to that twelve step travel web site.  Maybe if enough people express an interest to them about going on an ocean retreat with me - who knows?  Need to keep planting those seeds you know. ;-)

And since I was adding that one, I decided to add a few others.  I had already been considering adding one to the Lesbian Friends in Recovery site that awarded Joy2MeU 3 different beautiful awards (a link on my links page in addition to the one on my Awards page.)  And there was another site that had e-mailed to say they had added a link to my site.  I get e-mails from sites all the time about reciprocal links.  Some of them come from automated programs - and I don't even bother replying to their form e-mails.  Others write to say they have added a link to my site and kind of rudely demand a reciprocal link with the threat that they will remove mine if I don't add theirs.  Those I ignore also.  This one was nice and polite and said a reciprocal link would be nice but not necessary.  So, I added one to their site also.

Go to Joy2MeU Update August 2002
Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page

New PageSacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.' Site IndexSacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.' The codependency movement is NOT ruining marriages!Sacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.' Information Pages Index

Contact RobertLogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
Privacy Statement

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2009 by Robert Burney  PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.

My Suite101 Page

A directory is different from a search engine, in that a directory contains a hierarchical index of subject areas.  Some directories, such as Yahoo, Looksmart, and Open Directory (to name the three most prominent) have editors for each subject area who choose what links to resources on that subject are included.  What is different about the Suite101 directory is that it focuses on original articles written by editors of a subject area - and though it provides links, the links are not the focus of the directory.

My original agreement with Suite101 was that the majority of the material I published on that site be original and that articles are published exclusively on that site for 90 days.  I have been with this directory for over 3 years now and have somewhere around 4 dozen articles posted on that site.  A few of those articles are ones that I had previously published on my site or elsewhere.  Many of them contain some information - a few paragraphs or lines - that was part of a page on one of my web sites.  Some of them are completely original.  I would estimate that 60 to 70 % of the material is original in that I first wrote those words for that site.

Some of that original writing (with previously published material mixed into some of the articles) I subsequently moved to my web site.  Example of this are the article on "What is Codependency?", the series of articles on Codependent Relationship Dynamics, and the nine part series of articles on Healthy Relationship Behavior.  In December 2001 I finished a 21 part series on Inner Child Healing - 3 articles of which I have moved to Joy2MeU.  My agreement with them has now changed to comply with some new standards on their part - and I am now publishing one original article a month on that site.  Starting with this April Update, I will be listing the newest articles on my suite101 page in these Joy2MeU Updates so that people on the e-mailing list know what is available there.  Robert 4-14-02

Articles added to my suite101 page since last Update

To Parents of Alcoholics / AddictsSacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.'    Enabling & Rescuing vs Tough LoveSacred Spiral with tail pointing to right signifying 'going toward.'    Letting Go of Unavailable People

Dancing Jerimiah, the boy frog.  Joy to You & Me.
The Whale breaching was SOOOOOO Cool.  I jumped for Joy and felt like singing and dancing.  "Joy to the World,  All the boys and girls now.  Joy to the fishes (and whales) in the deep blue sea, and Joy to You & Meeeeeeeee!!!!"

The Story of Joy to You & Me

Amazon Honor System

Amazon.com has created this feature - what they call the Amazon Honor System.  They liken it to a PBS telethon to raise funds to insure quality programming.  It provides a way for people to show appreciation for web sites whose content they find valuable.

As I say in the message on the pay page that clicking on the logo will take you to, I had misgivings about this new feature when they first notified me of it.  I decided to give it a tryout in alignment with being open to receive.  In placing this box here, and at a few other places on the site, I am giving you all an opportunity to affirm and validate my work by making a contribution of between 1 and 50 dollars through this Amazon Honor System.

I call the pay page that clicking this will take you to, Joy2MeU Affirmation Opportunity.  That is what it is, an opportunity for you to show support if the Spirit moves you.  I am not asking you to contribute - the information on this web site (except for the Joy2MeU Journal) is free to anyone who visits - I am just opening to receive financial support in whatever manner the Universe wishes to manifest it.  If this turns out to be a way in which the Universe will manifest support for my work, then so be it.  More Will Be Revealed.

Amazon Honor System Click Here to Pay Learn