Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page
This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.
These Update Newsletters are posted online 3 or 4 times a year at about 3 or 4 month intervals.  A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people - who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list - when a new Update is posted.  (Links within the text will open in a separate browser window, while most of those in right hand column will take you away from this page.)

Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update Newsletter
To all the Magnificent Spiritual Beings who find their way to this page on my web site - including, of course, those of you on my e-mailing list,

Happy Spring to all you Radiantly Beautiful Spiritual Beings,

I have great news from the recent past, and exciting news about the future to share with you in this Update. The great news is that - with the generous donations of close to 100 of you (in response to the special Help message I sent out), and a kind loan, I was able to keep my book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls in print.   Hurrah!!!

I will discuss a little more about that - and the personal importance to me of the exciting new development - in the Newsletter portion of this Update below (this turned into a 2 part update - so Newsletter portion is on another page.)

The exciting new development involves a series of intensive workshops to train people in my Spiritual Integration approach to inner healing.  The pioneering aspect of my work - that has been accurately described as taking people to a powerful new level of healing / recovery / spiritual awakening - involves a formula for integrating the belief of a Loving Higher Power / Force / Great Spirit into one's emotional relationship with life and self in a way that helps people to find unprecedented freedom from the past (the old tapes / intellectual programming from childhood and emotional / inner child wounds) while learning to relax and find some inner peace and enJoyment in life as an adventurous journey, instead of continuing to emotionally react to life as if it is a test that we can fail.

(I will include a few quotes immediately below this table from some pages of my site that are focused on spirituality / Spirituality for anyone unfamiliar with how I use the term.)

The approach that I discovered in my personal recovery - and developed in my work with others - is the missing integration formula that people in recovery, on a healing / spiritual path have been seeking for years.  We can have lots of intellectual knowledge of what constitutes healthy behavior, and multiple spiritual experiences, but until we can integrate knowing / Knowing into our emotional relationship with self and life it is not possible to fundamentally change our behavior patterns - especially, and most importantly, our behavior patterns in intimate relationships.

There are many teachers, books, etc., these days that will tell you that the goal is to learn to Love your self - but no one really tells you how to do that. That is what the approach to inner healing - that I have been gifted with developing - facilitates.  It is a blueprint for how to actually start relating to your self more Lovingly - how to not only start having more capacity / freedom to "be" present in the moment, but also how to consciously learn to manifest more Love in how you treat your self moment to moment, day to day. 

"Love is a verb - it needs to be manifested in action not just contemplated intellectually.  You can not learn to Love yourself - or be capable of having healthier relationships - without taking action to change your core / foundation relationship with self and life into one that is more aligned with Love.  This inner child healing work is an effective and powerful formula that allows you to learn:  to be more Loving to self;  to gain some freedom from the past;  to develop inner peace and serenity;  to own your response-ability as co-creator of your life so that you can become a positive co-creator instead of negative (learn to be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy);  to start relaxing and being present for your life in a way that creates a more balanced and enjoyable experience.  I highly recommend it." - Inner Child Healing = a path to freedom, serenity, and empowerment
What I do is teach people how to set internal boundaries to take power away from the critical parent voice / negative childhood programming - and to Loving parent the emotionally wounded inner child places within.  This approach is described on my web site in the inner child healing section - but it is very helpful to be able to hear it described in detail while being able to ask questions about specific aspects of the healing.  It is what I teach people in the telephone counseling that I offer, but even though work on the phone allows people to ask questions and hear described the different aspects of the process, it is not as powerful as being able to absorb the information in person in the company of others who are seeking answers.  There is a magic in people coming together to heal - a magic that is based in the metaphysical laws of energy interaction.

"Whenever two or more are gathered in the name of Love and Truth, in the name of healing, there is incredible power.

Any single soul's evolution, its awakening, affects all souls because we are all connected. . . . . . .

A single soul's healing advances the healing of all souls - imagine the power of two or more." - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

In childhood, we learned to be negative co-creators in our life - we were conditioned to allow emotional wounds and dysfunctional programming to dictate our relationship with self, life, and other people.  As I state on my Telephone Counseling Testimonial page, this inner work will help you to transition into becoming a conscious, positive co-creator in your life.

"So, what I am saying here is, doing this telephone counseling is not a instant fix.  It can help you magically transform your life.  It will give you tools, techniques, and perspectives that will help you learn to stop being your own worst enemy and stop feeling like life is a test that you are failing.  It will help you to Lighten up and relax enough to start being more alive instead of just surviving and enduring.  It will help you learn to start trusting and Loving your Self.  To paraphrase what one of my phone clients said in feedback below:  I am not going to give you a "fish" - a lifetime supply of food, show you the hidden door to happily-ever-after - I am going to teach you how "to fish" - take Loving control of your own inner process - so that you can own your power to be a conscious, Loving, co-creator in your life." - Telephone Counseling Testimonials
I actually do give people "fish" - that is tools, techniques, perspectives, insights, etc. - that will help them get through the day.  But the goal of the work is to empower individuals to learn "how to fish" - to learn how to take Loving control over your own internal process while accessing intuitive guidance from your own Spirit / Higher Self / Higher Power.  This work can empower you to not only to find inner peace / stop the war within - to learn to "be" present for your life journey today with the capacity to be happy, Joyous, and free in the moment - but is also the key to healing your fear of intimacy enough to learn how to open up to Love and be healthier in a romantic relationship. 

I am very excited about doing these workshop - which will begin with one in San Francisco on April 23rd, and if successful, will follow about once a month in such places as Los Angeles, San Diego, and Las Vegas (and hopefully, in the future, include cities across the country.)

I am also working on developing a 3 or 4 day intensive experience that hopefully will become a reality soon - and am considering a training program for other healers who want to learn to facilitate this work.  To get information about these new intensive training days, go to the Intensive Training Day page.  To sign up to be notified by e-mail any time I add new information or locations to the upcoming appearance page you can go here

The Day of Intensive Training that I will be doing in San Francisco will be for 8 hours.  I will also be doing a short presentation / workshop at the Southbay CoDA Spring Mini Conference on Saturday April 29th in Santa Clara. (I will not be in Santa Clara on the 29th) Other additions (listed in the right column): include two new articles from my series on A Higher Power of my own understanding - including one I wrote after my fathers death that I will be referring to in the Newsletter below;  an article in my Fear of Intimacy series Fear of Intimacy -  Relationship Phobia that I belatedly realized I had not linked to my site index page - which spurred me to do some reorganization of the suite article section on that site index pageI updated my Suite101 articles page - including some notes on why I am no longer writing for them;  I have added a new batch of heart warming testimonials to the Testimonial page for my book, tapes, and website;  several new resources were added to the Referral to local Resources page;  some new Awards were added to my Awards page;  and on one of my Handout pages (there are 3 of these listed on the siteindex page - and I decided to add them to the right hand column here) - the original source of the valuable handout Characteristics of Adults Shamed in Childhood has been identified. 

Also, due to the reorganization of Suite101, the pages on which it is possible to buy the 2 e-books of my articles have disappeared.  Here is the link to purchase those e-booksDysfunctional Relationship Dynamics ~ Healthy Relationship Behavior and Inner Child Healing: The Path to Empowerment, Inner Peace, and Freedom from the Past (both are made up of articles available on my site at this time.  I am thinking of bringing these out as print on demand books, and will decide then if I am going to leave all of them available on the regular site.) 

In addition I added some international offers to the Special Offers page that I put up for the Holiday Season and decided to leave up indefinitely because it offers some phone counseling packages that have not been available previously - as well as some offers for copies of my book and/or tapes along with the pay to view sections of my site: The Joy2Meu Journal  and Dancing in Light.   Subscriptions to those pages are also gifted to people who make donations to Joy2MeU - as noted on the Help page and the page Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving Donations / Love Offerings.

Additions to the web site since the January Update include: 

Two new articles from my series on A Higher Power of my own understanding:

God the Father, and my father

Quantum Physics - expanding my Spiritual paradigm

Major news:

I am offering for the first time, a day long intensive training in San Francisco on April 23rd.

In addition:
Last year I added to Joy2MeU.com an article in my Fear of Intimacy series Fear of Intimacy -  Relationship Phobia that I neglected to add a link to on my site index page and I did some reorganization of the suite article section on that site index page.

I added a new batch of touching Testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site.

New resources have been added to the Referral to local Therapist / Counselors page for resources in Texas and California. 

Some new Awards were added to my Awards page

I added some international offers to the Special Offers page that I put up for the Holiday Season and decided to leave up indefinitely because it offers some phone counseling packages that have not been available previously. 

I was made aware of the original author of Characteristics of Adults Shamed in Childhood - a very helpful list that is included on one of my handout pages - and decided to list all three of those handout pages here.

The Serenity Prayer for Codependents
Some versions of the Serenity Prayer, a Personal Bill of Rights, Characteristics of Adults Shamed in Childhood, and some possible signs of Hidden Anger

The 10 Commandments of Self Esteem
Also includes: The Rules for Being Human and Risking

Twisted Codependent thinking
Also includes: One Day at a Time, As a Person I have the Right to, and a discussion of some metaphysical levels of The Growth / Recovery Process

I updated my Suite101 articles page - including some notes on why I am no longer writing for them: 

October 2005 
Higher Power of my own understanding - final word
Graphic of two hearts with an arrow through them - signifying both Love and heartbreak.
Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page.  Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.

spiritual = relationship with life

For anyone unfamiliar with my Spiritual Beliefs, here are quotes from a few pages of my site that might be helpful.

"My own personal Spiritual belief system is one form of spirituality.  It is certainly not the only one.  Mine works for me very well in helping me to have a relationship with life that allows me to be happier today.  It is not necessary for you to accept my belief system in order for you to use the tools, techniques, and perspectives that I have developed for emotional healing / codependence recovery / inner child integration.

For the purposes of this discussion of spiritual integration, I would now define what I refer to as a Spiritual Awakening in the quote above, as:   being open to a larger perspective - awakening from being trapped in a limiting perspective.   In this regard, spiritual would be a qualifier, an adjective, that describes the quality of one's relationship with life.

This adjective, spiritual, would be (in my definition) a word describing an expanded level of consciousness.   A level of consciousness, of awareness, that is expansive and inclusive and facilitates personal growth - as opposed to limited, exclusive, rigid, and inhibiting growth, development, and alternative view points. . . . . .

There is a saying that I really like, that religion is for people who are scared of hell and spirituality is for people who have been there.   We have all lived in the hell that is the feeling we are somehow shameful, unworthy, and unlovable, the hell that living life according to a dysfunctional belief system can create.   Recovery is about changing our perspective with life into one that works to help us be happy to be alive today for as many of the moments of the day as that is possible." - The Recovery Process for inner child healing - spiritual integration

"The path to empowerment and freedom from the past lies in owning that we have choices about our belief systems.  Our mental attitudes, beliefs, and definitions dictate our emotional reactions and  control our relationships.  If we are living our life in reaction to the past, in reaction to our childhood wounds, then we are not making choices - we are not free.

This is true rather we are trying to conform to the old tapes or rather we are rebelling against them. Either way, we are giving the past power over how we live our lives today.

One of the most vital prerequisites of healing and recovery, of being open to growth, is a willingness to be open to looking at anything, and everything, from a different perspective.  As long as we are stuck in a rigid perspective on any issue, we are like the blind man who thinks the elephant is a snake because all he can feel is the trunk.

The reason that we have rigid perspectives is because we are reacting to emotional wounds.  When I was first introduced to twelve step recovery, I thought the people were a bunch of religious fanatics because they talked about god.  I did not want anything to do with god because of the shame based religion I grew up in.  I had been tremendously wounded by that religion and rejected the concept of god because the one I was taught about was an abusive father." - Spirituality for Agnostics and Atheists

"The Spiritual belief system detailed on this web site and in my book can be incorporated into any open-minded individual's personal beliefs.   It is a belief system that allows for the possibility that maybe there is an Unconditionally Loving Higher Power - a God-Force, Goddess Energy, Great Spirit, whatever it is called - which is powerful enough to insure that everything is unfolding perfectly from a Cosmic Perspective.   That everything happens for a reason - there are no accidents, no coincidences, no mistakes.

It would be possible for someone to use the tools and techniques contained herein - for inner child healing and setting internal boundaries - to change some of their codependent/reactive behavior patterns and work on healing their childhood emotional wounds without a Spiritual belief system underlying the work.   It would be possible, but in my view would be kind of silly.   Spirituality is all about relationships.   One's relationship to self, to others, to the environment, to life in general.   A Spiritual belief system is simply a container for holding all our other relationships.   Why not have one that is large enough to hold it all." - Spiritual Belief System index page

"We are transcendent Spiritual Beings who are part of the ONENESS that is the God-Force. We always have been and always will be. We are perfect in our Spiritual Essence. We are perfectly where we are supposed to be on our Spiritual Path. And from a human perspective we will never be able to do "human" perfectly - which is perfect.

We have been trying to do human perfect according to a false belief system in order to get Spiritual.  It does not work. It's dysfunctional."

"We are not sinful, shameful human creatures who have to somehow earn Spirituality.  We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience."

(All quotes in this color are from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls)

The Newsletter portion of this Update involves some issues I am processing through - including some with my father, as I alluded to above - and is going to take some more time and space to finish.  Since it will make this Update quite long, and I want to get word out about the Intensive Training Day in San Francisco, I am going to make the Newsletter a separate page - part 2 - as I have done in the past.  When it is posted (possibly not until the end of the week), I will activate a link here - and announce it on the New page.  Anyone that wants to get notified of when the New pages changes - which is whenever I add something to the site, or announce any significant news - can sign up for e-mail notification service.

April 8, 2006 - The Newsletter is now posted.

Go to June 2006 Update Newsletter

Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page

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Privacy Statement

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, & 2006 by Robert Burney  PO Box 977 Cambria CA 93428.