Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page
This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.
These Update Newsletters are posted online 3 or 4 times a year at about 3 or 4 month intervals.  A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people - who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list - when a new Update is posted.  (Links within the text will open in a separate browser window, while most of those in right hand column will take you away from this page.)

Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update Newsletter
To all the Magnificent Spiritual Beings who find their way to this page on my web site - including, of course, those of you on my e-mailing list,

Happy New Year you Radiantly Beautiful Spiritual Being you,

Here it is 2006 - amazing.  What a year 2005 was for me!  Incredible!

I will get into that in a bit.  First though announcements about a couple of things that are coming up in the immediate future.  I will be in Sacramento next Saturday - 21st - giving a workshop at the Northern California's Regional CoDA Winter Mini Conference.  Information and registration forms can be found at the NorCalCoDA website.  It turned out that it wasn't practical to make the trip to Sacramento - both time and finances were too tight to make it worth the long drive.  I do think I will be presenting at the South Bay Spring Mini-Conference in Santa Clara on April 29th, and the Orange County CoDA conference in June.  I will post announcements about those on my Upcoming Appearances page, and announce them on my New page.  (There is a service that you can sign up for that will notify you by e-mail when the New page has changed - if you want to be sure you are kept up on any announcements on short notice.)  I have been invited to present a workshop at the National CoDA Conference at the end of May, but I doubt that it will be financially practical to make the trip to Austin Texas - although I am certainly open to that changing.

I am doing a radio interview on one of those internet radio programs.  It will be broadcast for the first time on January 28th at 6 pm Pacific / 9 PM Eastern time.  I believe the way these things work is that they are rebroadcast many times.  Their web site Gift of Light Radio Show and the station Live365 web site will have the information.

Since the last Update I have posted 2 new articles from the series I was writing for Suite101 on A Higher Power of my own understanding.  One of them is focused on my personal Spiritual Beliefs and the other is about a chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that was inspirational to me.  My association with Suite101 ended with my October article.  A major reorganization they did would not allow me to keep writing on my own topic, but instead would have required me to work on a much broader topic area that would have required many hours of work for very little pay.  Although the articles I wrote for them in the almost 6 years I was associated with them are still available on their site, I will not be doing any more writing for Suite101.

I have decided to keep the page I posted with Holiday Season 2005 special offers - including offering the book and/or tapes along with Telephone Counseling and with the special subscription only sections of the Joy2MeU.com web site - Dancing in Light and Joy2MeU Journal: available indefinitely.  It offers some packages for telephone counseling - both for new people and for people who have already done an initial counseling session - that weren't available previously, and which I think are valuable and helpful.

I have added a new set of wonderful testimonials to the Testimonial page for my book, tapes, and website - and a new set of testimonials for Telephone Counseling to the Phone Counseling Testimonial page.  I also have added new links to the Finding CoDA meeting page, to the recommended links page, and several new resources to the Referral to local Resources page.  And due to the rise in postal rates here in the states, I made some adjustments to the international "shipping included" prices I charge for a book and/or tape set - and in the process did some redesign, and added some options, to the PayPal page.

I also added a more up to date picture of myself to the New page - and a picture of me and my significant other to the bottom of the October Newsletter page.  The picture of me I added in November is already out of date, because I have shaved off the facial hair.  I will have an up to date picture to post soon - as soon as we figure out which box the cord that allows us to down load pictures from the camera to the computer is in.  Yes, we moved - and are still trying to find everything.  (Good news, we found the cord - so am adding a new picture with this Update, and also decided to add pictures of the rest of my family to the New page.)

I will bring you up to date on what is happening in my life - and with my attempts to get my book reprinted - below in the Newsletter section of this Update.   And at the bottom of this page, I have decided to add something that has great meaning to me - something I shared in my January 2002 Update - a message that I want to focus on once more for the year 2006.

Additions to the web site since the  October Update include:

Two new articles from my series on A Higher Power of my own understanding
Spirituality - a broader perspective.

Inspiration from the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous

Major news:
I am doing a Workshop at the Northern California's Regional CoDA Winter Mini Conference in Sacramento on January 21st.  I do think I will be presenting at the South Bay Spring Mini-Conference in Santa Clara on April 29th, and the Orange County CoDA conference in June.

I am doing a radio interview on the Gift of Light Radio Show on Live365 that will be broadcast on January 28th.

In addition:
More feedback and testimonials were added to Telephone Counseling Testimonials page.

A new batch of wonderful Testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site.

Some new links were added to the Finding CoDA meetings page.

New resources have been added to the Referral to local Therapist / Counselors page for someone in Tennessee and for a national MFCC finder site. 

A new selection of diversified and interesting looking links were added.

The final article published on my Suite101 page:

October 2005
Higher Power of my own understanding - final word
Graphic of two hearts with an arrow through them - signifying both Love and heartbreak.
Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page.  Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.


As this new year has dawned with my celebration of 22 years of sobriety on January 3rd, I have been filled with gratitude and amazement at the gifts that flowed into my life in 2005.  Never in my wildest imagination could I have predicted the events that unfolded in my life.  It reminds me of the saying I heard in early sobriety - don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle.  We can never know what is around the next corner of our life.

In writing this Newsletter early in the morning on January 19th 2006, I decided to do a short review here of how much my life has changed in the last year.  In looking back at my December 2004 Update, I choked up with tears of gratitude at what a miracle the transformation in my life has been.  2004 was one of the most painful years of my recovery - and 2005 was the most Joyous.

In that December 2004 Update, one bit of news about the site I shared had to do with a handout page on which I had shared an excerpt from my Joy2MeU Journal about the growth process - a handout page which includes a list of characteristics of Twisted Codependent Thinking.  Talking about black and white codependent thinking at the Holiday time, led to a discussion of my beliefs in relationship to how destructive black and white thinking has been in the history of the planet.

"This black and white thinking - which as I explain in my book was caused by the polarization of the Energy Field of Collective Human Intellectual Consciousness / lower mind - has been the single most destructive force in the history of humanity.  It is the cause of war and violence around the world today - us vs them.  Reacting to black and white extremes within one's own personal process is self destructive - as well as a major block to relating to one another in healthy ways.

Black and white thinking is also the reason that the Christian religion has historically been one of the most destructive single entities in the history of the planet." -  December 2004 Update

The excerpt from my Journal about the metaphysical dynamics of growth process, was a perfect reminder to me that my Path was unfolding perfectly.  Talking at Christmas time about how the teachings of Jesus had been twisted and distorted by black and white shame based thinking, led to me including an excerpt from my book in which I talk about how important it is to let go.  In that excerpt, I quote a parable about a colony of creatures clinging to the rocks at the bottom of the stream - and how one of the creatures learned to fly by persistently letting go of clinging to the rocks, despite the fact that he got very battered and bruised many times that he let go before he was finally swept up in the current of the stream.
" . . . . Then finally one day he had let go enough times that he did get swept up into the stream.  He was caught in the flow of the stream and swept forward.

He was flying!

As he flew along with his heart full of Joy and excitement he passed over another colony of clinging creatures that was downstream.

They looked up at him and cried, "Behold!  There is a creature like us and he is flying!  It must be the Messiah!"

He looked back at them and shouted as he was heading down stream, "No!  You don't understand. You can fly, too, all you have to do is let go.   You are as much messiahs as I am."

That is what this is all about!  The second coming has begun!  Not of "The Messiah,' but of a whole bunch of messiahs.  The messiah - the liberator - is within us!  A liberating, Healing Transformational Movement has begun.  "The Savior' does not exist outside of us - "The Savior" exists within.

We are the sons and daughters of God.   We, the old souls, who are involved in this Healing Movement, are the second coming of the message of Love. . . . .

. . . . . 2004 has been a very exciting year for me - because I learned to open my heart to Love in a way that I had never before been capable of.  But the year was also very emotionally painful.  I have gotten very battered and bruised this year - have had my heart battered by rocks of black and white reactive codependency.  I am here reminding myself that it is necessary to let go in order to be able to Fly - and that it is only possible to Fly in tandem with someone who is willing to do the work, and is able to recognize and admit when she is allowing black and white reaction to run her life." -  December 2004 Update

2004 was so painful for me because the person I opened my heart to was not only a codependent who was not working a recovery program, but also bi-polar - which magnifies the black and white extremes of thinking and behavior.  It was vital for me - in that December Update - to remind myself that my path was unfolding perfectly, despite how incredibly painful the year had been.  And to recommit myself to opening up to Love, no matter how much terror my ego generated to try to keep me from taking the risk of opening my heart again.  I ended that Update Newsletter with a prayer / plea / request / communication to my Higher Power.
". . . . . Help me to remember that it is better to Love and lose - better to open my heart and get it broken and battered - than to hide from life and Love because of the pain involved in losing the one I opened my heart to.  Help me to recognize, and embrace, the next opportunity that presents itself to open my heart to Loving another being in an intimate romantic relationship - to keep having the courage and faith to move forward towards Love despite the fear and the pain. . . . . I respectfully request that the year of 2005 be much more about Joy and Love manifesting in my life, than all the f---ing pain I experienced in 2004.  I am really tired of grieving - and would Love to have the opportunity to Love and be Loved by my soul mate or Twin Soul or whomever it is that you put me through all this fertilizer in 2004 to prepare me for.  I know that I have called you some pretty choice names this year as I raged about how the plan was unfolding - but hey, you deserved it.  I do thank you for all the wonderful things in my life that I have to be grateful for, but I also believe that it is high time to kick down some reward here - in the person of a partner to share my path - for all the work I have done, am doing.

That said, I do repledge my commitment to following my path wherever it leads me - and do invite you to bring on whatever lessons I need to accelerate and facilitate my quest to reconnect with Love.  I believe that I am ready to Fly high and far - and I would prefer to not do it alone.  As usual however, Thy will not my will be done.  I Know and have Faith that a Loving Divine Plan is unfolding perfectly, even when I am in fertilizer up to my eye balls - even if it means I won't be united with a partner until my next lifetime.  So, bring it on Goddess - whatever it takes, wherever it leads - my life for you." -  December 2004 Update

As I begin this Newsletter portion by saying, what unfolded in 2005 was beyond anything I could have imagined - anything I could have dreamed up for myself.  The fertilizer of 2004 was indeed worth it - because 2005 brought the Joyous reward of a partner to share my life with.  It brought the reward of an abundance of Joy and Love into my life.

The year started out innocently enough - with me joining some organizations that would help me to be out and about among people more.  I was determined to take action to be more involved in life and with other people.

"A major goal for me in 2005 is to be more involved in life.  I have taken steps to be more Alive and involved with other human beings this year.  My time of living in isolation in a beautiful place I Love, focused on my writing, was a wonderful, wonderful chapter in my life.  But I entered this year knowing that I wanted to be more involved in the experience of living from now on than in writing about it from an intellectual, theoretical perspective." - Update March 2005
As I mentioned in my June Update - I knew that taking the action was what was important, more that the actual places I was focusing that action.  It turned out the actions I took didn't have anything to do with what unfolded - except on metaphysical causal level.
"When I entered this year, and took steps to get more involved in living, I had no idea what was to come.  The opportunity that has manifested in my life is such an amazing and richly textured experience that I don't think I could have imagined it in details anywhere close to the reality that has materialized.  The steps I took in early January actually turned out to be symbolic because my plunge into life is not linked to any of them, but the actions I took were important in setting the energy in motion to create the kind of experience and opportunity I was asking for.  (In my article on the first 3 steps The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process: 1, 2, 3, and a 1, 2, 3 - The first three steps I talk about how working the third step involves putting out my request to the Universe - asking for help in creating what I want - and taking action towards that desire.  By taking action to plant the seeds - while letting go of the outcome - I aligned with metaphysical law of sowing and reaping, something I talk more about on my Love Offering page that is linked below.)" - Update June 2005
I had no intention - nor any inkling - last year at this time, that I would be getting involved in a relationship for a very long time.
" It took a cosmic "coincidence" of pretty monumental proportions for us to even connect at all in the first place.  I had taken down my profile on the online dating services for a period of time because I didn't anticipate getting involved in another relationship in early January. . . . So, I made my profile viewable for a period of less than 24 hours.  During that time the woman who I am involved with now contacted me.  She happened to do a search that night for men who lived in Cambria.  She has always been drawn to the little coastal town I live in - and had even gotten married here some years earlier.  She had dreamed for years of moving to this area - and on that night her frustrations with living in San Diego had driven her to repeat a search that she had done previously without seeing my profile because it wasn't available.

So, on the night of January 12th I received a communication from her." - Update June 2005

I originally started experimenting with the online dating services in November 2003, when in writing for my journal I realized - after having not experienced anything close to a relationship for 4 years - that I had gotten out of balance in my willingness to accept being alone and isolated in my life.  I did not think anything would ever come from the online personals - I just looked at them as an action to send a message to the Universe that I did want a relationship in my life.  In the 2 years following, I went through a huge amount of growth in healing my fear of intimacy issues.  One of the people involved was someone I had met through an online service in late 2004 - but I really was not even looking to consider a relationship last January, which is why I didn't have my profile available.

And even in March last year, I was not at all sure where the new relationship I was exploring was going to lead.

"Rather this person is someone / the soul mate, that is going to be in my life long term or not I do not know at this time.  It is possible that she is a brilliant flaming shooting star who is flashing through my world to illuminate some things / issues that I needed to see with more clarity - a catalyst of growth and awakening.  Perhaps I will get to once more experience a broken heart and the grief that goes with it.  I don't get to know that right now.  What is important is that I am willing to take the risk - and the Universe has brought a very special lady into my life to help me learn.  I am hoping that she is the special woman who will be willing and able to surrender to opening her heart to me, to surrender to the experience of Loving me - while I surrender completely to the experience of Loving her, to opening my heart to her.  More will be revealed about how this newest adventure is going to unfold."  - Update March 2005
By the June Update my life had changed dramatically.
"What has unfolded in recent months, is that she is now living here in Cambria - and I am moving in with her in the next couple of weeks.  I have not only been given the blessing of having the opportunity to share my life journey with a dynamic, exciting romantic partner - I have inherited a whole family in the process.  The brood includes her 17 year old daughter, her daughters boyfriend and their 7 month old baby - soon perhaps to be joined by her 20 year old son.  I am getting the Joyous and amazing opportunity to be a step grandfather to the amazing little baby - and am sooo grateful for the opportunity.  The family also includes 2 dogs, 2 cats, a rat, and a chicken named Jack.  (And now a 3 month old pygmy goat named Pixie.") - Update June 2005
Being part of a larger family was not anywhere in my visions of a relationship - and being involved with a baby had never occurred to me at all.
"Last night there was a perfect moment in my life - a Kodak moment.  I was lying on the couch looking at my "step" grandson sleeping in his stroller, while above him in the loft his grandmother - my significant other - was working on her computer.  I took a mental snapshot of the moment as one that I always wanted to remember.  In close proximity to two people that I Love very, very dearly - a moment of domestic bliss if you will.  It brought tears of Joy and gratitude to my eyes, as I thanked my Higher Power for the opportunity I have been given to Truly open my heart to some other human beings in a magnificent and profound way. . . .

The baby is now 11 months old - and just the most precious, beautiful, incredible little boy.  Never had I imagined myself changing diapers and taking care of a baby - and Loving every moment of it.  I have become Mr. Mom - doing the shopping and the laundry and taking care of the baby for periods of time - while my lady goes into work in San Luis Obispo every week day.  Definitely not what I had imagined in my future only a few short months ago." - Update October 2005

I talked at our local CoDA meeting Wednesday night about what a beautiful day I had just shared with the two people I Love most in the world, my significant other Susan, and my godson and "step" grandson Darien.  I Love them both so intensely.  No way could I have ever imagined, when I met this beautiful woman on January 23rd of last year - that the amazing relationship I would get involved in with her, would include the opportunity to change diapers.

As our 1 year anniversary approaches in a few days, I am just overwhelmed with gratitude and awe at the miraculous perfection of the plan.

"It is Truly a testament to how much I have grown - to how much more I Love myself today than in the past - that I am in this relationship now.  It Truly shows how much progress I have made in my Great Quest.  I am so grateful and feel so blessed to have this amazing female being in my life - and to have her demonstrate in action over and over again that she Truly Loves me.  It is a magnificent, amazing gift of my recovery." - Update October 2005
The relationship has only gotten better and better.  Her demonstrations of Love for me, more exquisite.  I AM SO GRATEFUL!!!!  As I have said in several meetings celebrating my 22nd AA birthday recently, and have said for years, Gratitude is not nearly a big enough word to express how I feel about the gift of my recovery.  It is also not nearly a big enough word to express how blessed I feel at having the gift of this amazing woman in my life as my friend, partner, Lover, significant other, mate, life partner, etc.

As I mentioned in the October Update, there was definitely stress involved in the transformation I have gone through.

"What is going to evolve in the coming months is a mystery right now - in the more will be revealed realm.  There are numerous challenges, as there are with any new relationship - with such major changes in one's life.  The pygmy goat had to go because of the noise it made - and that combined with a problem caused by one of the dogs has made it necessary for us to be looking for a new place.  My mate is trying to establish herself in a new area in a business (mortgage loans) where contacts are vital - and the market is slow.  I have been trying to generate more income to support this new family of mine (thus the new pay to view section of the site), and it has been a major challenge." - Update October 2005
We found a home for the pygmy goat - and the 2 dogs are no longer with us.  Both were quite old.  The chicken fell victim to a foraging raccoon - so the menagerie is much smaller now.  The financial situation is still a bit precarious - but in November and most of December, it was truly verging on the desperate at times.
"There are still many challenges - including finding my place in the dynamics of the family situation I am now involved in. And adding financial stress to the challenges of a relationship is always very difficult.  Going from living a simple solitary life in isolation to being the majority support of a family is a huge leap.  As I said, my mate is establishing herself now - and will undoubtedly bring in more income as the months go by.  It is the immediate future that is so challenging financially right now.

Two additional factors are going to make the situation even more daunting in the coming months.  One of those factors is that my 15 year old son is going to be coming to live with me at the end of the year.  Adding another person into this family dynamic is going to be very challenging on multiple levels - including, of course, financial.  And the second factor is, as I mentioned above, that my supplies of my book are going to be running out shortly into the new year - so I need to find the financing to print more copies in order to keep the web site happening." - Update October 2005

It turns out that my son is not going to be coming until this summer - and then he will be able to decide if he wants to stay on and go to school here in the fall.  His mother was having a bit of a break down in early fall - and added a desperate urgency to the stress we were feeling because of our desire to protect him from her instability.  Once we stopped buying into her trauma drama, things calmed down considerably - and it was decided that it would be best for him to stay in the school he was comfortable with until the end of the school year.

In my October Update I reprinted a story from my Joy2MeU Journal about the miracles involved in me ending up in Cambria - and about how much Cambria has meant to me.  In coming to Cambria, I was making a decision to give where I live the priority in my life instead of how I would make a living.  I had lived in a place I hated living in for many years - LA - because I thought I had to do it for my acting career.  (I am including a picture at the bottom of this page that was one of the head shots from my acting days.  Susan used it as inspiration to help me get back to being more of who I really am.  I think I mentioned in an earlier Update that I lost over 40 lbs after getting involved with her.  She has been so good for me in so many ways.  One of the Old Timers in Cambria AA mentioned last night at a meeting where I took a 22 year chip, that it was a pleasure to see me come so alive in the last year.)  After going through treatment for codependency in 1988 and realizing what a codependent victim relationship I had with "Hollywood," I made a choice to go for quality of life - and ended up in Cambria.

It is a hard place to make a living - and I actually had to move away twice because of that.  But since I was able to move back in 2000 because of the miracles I shared about in my October Update, Cambria has been a wonderful place for me to live in isolation and do all of the writing I have done since then.  However, I made a shift last year in regard to where I am living, similar to the shift I made towards my writing - which I talked about in my March Update.

"My focus in my recovery has more and more become about being willing to face my fears and take the risk of experiencing, instead of just writing about the theory of the experience of living and Loving.  Now I don't believe it is Truly possible to fully experience living without Loving.  What I got in touch with last year, was my own capacity to Love.  It still today as I write this, causes me to tear up with Joy and Gratitude that I have gotten in touch with an awesome capacity to Love on a personal intimate level.  I have for years expressed Love in my writing, but actually experiencing Loving another human being in a personal intimate relationship is a Truly amazing gift." - Update March 2005
When I wrote this paragraph in March, I had only stepped a toe into the experience of Loving someone in a personal intimate relationship - now I am fully immersed, and I am so grateful.  Giving up the focus on my writing was well worth the experience of Loving and Living.  Now I have let go of giving priority to where I live - and instead give the priority to living with the woman I Love, no matter where that is.
"It is now possible that we will need to move out of Cambria.  I am having to consider multiple options to deal with the financial issue - including getting another job to help support this wonderful brood of a family.  When things are stressful, my significant other feels like maybe she needs to move back to San Diego where she has the contacts to bring in more income.  We are considering moving back there together - and she at times, feels like she needs to leave the relationship and move back there herself.  That would Truly break my heart.  I am so hoping that this relationship ending is not part of the Divine Plan.

We are considering moving to other towns in this area - but at the present time do not even have the finances to accomplish that.  Truly a time when more will be revealed." - Update October 2005

We did in fact, get a 3 day quit notice to move out of the house in early December.  As December unfolded without finding a functional place to live - and not having the money to move into one if we had - I got to witness how powerfully my recovery works in my life.  Despite the insecurity and stress, most days spent with my mate were still filled with so many moments of Joy - and so many precious moments that we shared with the baby.  It was Truly a testament to how much I have learned about letting go, to be able to say, day after day, - "well, we don't need to know where we are going to be moving to, or how we are going to afford it, today."  It is such a freedom to know how to let go of the future and be present to experience Joy for most of the moments today - especially at a time of such insecurity and stress.  It was relatively simple to live with insecurity while alone and isolated with only myself to suffer the consequences - and a whole new experience to be able to let go while feeling responsible for a family.

And has happened so many times in my recovery - something I have written about in numerous places including in a quote from my October 2000 Update in my October 2005 Update - it sometimes feels that my Higher Power waits until the last possible moment to reveal the Divine Plan to me, and then only after I have surrendered and let go completely on a gut level of what I think has to happen for me to be okay.

"The day after I took action to support my acceptance of that surrender, everything shifted.  The magic returned.  The Goddess strokes started coming in abundance.  A phone call with an offer of a financial gift was a message to me to focus on opening up to receive once more.  In alignment with having faith in that manifestation, I started looking at more expensive places in the area I wanted to return to - even though I had no discernible way of paying for such a place on an ongoing basis, though I now had enough to pay the move in cost.

I found a place, and another gift of a larger financial denomination manifested to secure it for me.  Now I have a comfortable place to live in the town I want to live in - and I know the rent is paid for the next couple of months.  An incredible luxury for me." - Joy2MeU Update Newsletter October 2000 Part 2

What happened in December, is that we had reached a place shortly before Christmas when we knew we had to do something soon.  We had looked at, and applied for - and been turned down for a variety of reasons - any available and large enough houses to rent in Cambria and surrounding areas.  On a Saturday afternoon we looked at some more places - it almost felt more like we were going through the motions, rather than having any real hope of being able to stay in the area.  It seemed that the Divine Plan wanted us to move to San Diego.  It seemed that the only real option we had at that point, was for my Lady  - along with her daughter, son-in-law, and baby - to move back in with her father and me get an apartment close by.  We were trying to focus on the silver lining to such a move, to the positives that could come out of it - but neither of us really wanted to do that if it was at all possible to avoid it.

I had reminded myself, and shared with my partner, that I believed that we didn't need to know the plan until it was time - and that I had faith that the reason we had not been finding a place is that the one the Universe had planned for us wasn't available yet.  I kept telling myself that over and over, reminding myself of the many times it had worked that way for me in the past - because it was so scary and stressful to be living with that kind of insecurity.  The last place we looked at that day was in Paso Robles - a community about 30 miles inland from Cambria.  It was the place that the Universe had planned for us.  I was the first person to call after the ad had appeared.

Although Paso was not a place I would ever have considered living by myself - it is inland and higher in elevation enough to have quite different weather than Cambria - it turned out to be a perfect place for the family.  There were numerous reasons why it was a better place to live than Cambria for different family members - but the main reason it was so right for us, is that it is a great investment opportunity.  We have a lease option with equity position that should allow us to become home owners in 2 years - and to make a lot of money in the process.  The neighborhood we are living in appreciated 38 % last year - and is projected to keep appreciating at a high rate.

I had never even considered being a home owner prior to meeting my significant other in 2005.  She has been in the real estate business for over 20 years - and has a great deal of knowledge and experience with how it is possible to build wealth through real estate investment.  Susan, in fact, is preparing some seminars to help people understand how it is possible to build some security for retirement through real estate investment.  I have no retirement plan.  No pension.  No savings.  I never expected to live this long in my younger days - and since I have been following my Spiritual Path in spreading the message about codependency through my book and web site, I have learned to just be happy to pay the rent every month while letting go of the future.

The reason that our relationship is working so wonderfully these days is because we are both actively working our codependency recovery programs.  There were times early in the late summer and early fall when we were the only 2 people at the Cambria CoDA meeting - which gave us a chance to share about issues in the relationship in a meeting setting, a very valuable experience.  Although she is also a recovering alcoholic - it was her codependency that caused great havoc in her life prior to her moving up here.  She had owned 2 houses that made a lot of money - but that money was blown on husbands that fit her codependent patterns of getting involved with men she felt needed rescuing, and her abandonment issues which dictated that she be counterdependently "self sufficient."  The last husband - whom she had been separated from for 2 years when we met - had left her with debts and a ruined credit rating as part of the wreckage of her codependent past.  She has since finalized that divorce and gone through bankruptcy to clean up that wreckage - but the position it left her in was a large part of the reason that she ended up being so dependent upon me financially to accomplish her move up here.  To be able to surrender to allowing herself to be somewhat financially dependent upon a man, was major growth for her.  It was a perfect part of her recovery path that wouldn't have been necessary or possible if she had been in the kind of financial position that had been normal for her in the years prior to this.

She is still working on establishing herself as a mortgage loan officer in this area.  So far the only deals that she has closed since moving up here have been for people that she had worked with previously in San Diego.  The bank she had been working with in October - I mentioned her going to work in San Luis Obispo daily - turned out to be a situation that was not workable. Their loan programs weren't competitive - and she found herself turning people away, and sending them elsewhere for refinancing and home loans, because she has the personal integrity to not want to sell people on something that is not good for them.  She just got another position with a national company - which means she can do loans for people anywhere in the states.  (I have added a link to her web site on the New page and Recommended Links page for anyone who is interested in contacting her to see what kind of deal she can make for you - and will add one here also: WealthBuildersCentralCoast)

Part of the Serendipity / "Cosmic Coincidence" of the home we are now buying had to do with the person who gave us this deal.  She is actually a psychotherapist from Cambria. When we met with her for the first time, she was already aware of me by reputation - and we had actually talked once in the post office several years ago.  She and my lady hit it off right away because of how direct and honest Susan was with her, and their common interest in real estate investment.  Susan told her right up front what her situation was - and it turned out that this woman had been in much the same situation, and that she was doing the kind of investing that Susan teaches people how to do.  She had moved to Cambria after a divorce and bankruptcy with $1000 to her name.  She later got married and bought a house with her husband.  In 2000 her accountant had explained to her the ramifications of new tax laws which made - and still make - real estate such a good investment.  Now 5 years later, she owns 7 houses.  It was because of her investment strategy that she made us such a good deal on a lease option - a perfect part of the unfolding plan, and Cosmic validation for Susan of the effectiveness of the strategy she is going to be teaching in her seminars.

We moved into the house in Paso Robles at the end of December - and it is working out quite nicely.  It is the first time I have lived in a newer home with all the conveniences - rather than in remodeled garages and such.

So, we have now started our new life here together.  I was able to get the money for us to move in by asking my family for help - a major surrender on my part - and getting an advance on some inheritance money that will come when my mother sells the winter home in Phoenix that my father so enjoyed before his death last May.  Now that the living situation is solved, and we are starting to get settled into our new home - the challenge still ahead involves keeping my book in print.  That is what I will address now.

Reprinting Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

I shared in the October Update what the situation is with my book - and how it was similar to the situation I was in several years ago.
"In August of 2003, I was in a situation where I was about to run out of copies of my book Codependence: Dance of the Wounded Souls - and didn't have the financial means to print more copies.  That is when I posted a page titled Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving in which I got the opportunity to work the third step by asking for help in keeping my book in print.  Because of the Donations / Love Offerings that manifested due to that request, I was able to print over 4,000 new copies by November of 2003.

I am now in position where I have enough books from that printing left to last me into January.  I just added a note about that to that Donations / Love Offering page stating:

"Once again I am working the third step and asking the Universe - and any angels in human form out there who have been gifted with the abundance to have the means to help - to help me keep my book in print and my web site available to all the wounded souls in the world who so desperately need to hear the message of hope and Joy that I share."

For anyone who has not read that page, I do think you will find it interesting in regard to the history of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls and the discussion of the metaphysical laws of giving and receiving.  As I say on that page:

"Learning to have the humility and courage to ask for help was a vital component for me in learning to live life sober.  I understand now that asking for help is an act of Love for my self, is part of taking responsibility for myself because I cannot do it alone - I was never meant to do it alone.

In my codependency, I was terrified of asking for help because I was terrified of rejection - and also, because I thought it made me a loser.  I though I was supposed to have it all together and that it was shameful to appear needy - that it was "weak" to ask for help.  The toxic shame at the core of my relationship with my self - the feeling that I was inherently unlovable and unworthy - caused me to have great difficulty in asking for, or accepting, help from others.  I did not even know how to accept a simple compliment - let alone any substantial demonstration that another person believed that I did indeed have worth."

You are an angel in human form, and I think you will find reading that page interesting rather you have been gifted with the abundance to make a contribution to the cause or not. - Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving ~ Donations / Love Offerings

In reading over that page again while preparing this Update, one thing is very different now from two years ago.  This sentence really jumped out at me from that page:

"The last 15 years have been an awesome, terribly solitary, gloriously amazing adventure for me."

My adventure is no longer solitary.  That is the glorious, Joyous, blessed news." - Update October 2005

There is a huge difference between then and now - and like everything else in life, there is both a good news and a bad news perspective to take on the situation.  The good news is the Loving relationship and wonderful family.  The bad news perspective is that it is a lot harder to let go and surrender to whatever outcome is presented while feeling responsible for supporting a family.  The good news far outweighs the "bad" however,
"I updated my Donations page to see if it will once again be possible to keep the book in print and the web site going through donations from people whose lives have been changed by my work.  The situation is quite different in many ways now than it was in 2003 when I last had to ask the Universe for help in keeping the book in print - but in some ways it is the same.  If I don't have my book in print, it will be virtually impossible to keep the web site going - so what I wrote there in 2003 still applies to the financial situation.  The huge difference is that I am now in a Loving relationship, and 2005 has been a magical year full of Joy and Love because of this relationship - no matter what the future holds." - Update October 2005
As magical, as full of Joy and Love, as the relationship had been up to October - what we had then is a pale shadow to how much substance and texture the relationship has now.  As she said to me last night, "I can't imagine living without you in my life now."  That is exactly how I feel - it is unimaginable, she is so vital a part of my life now.  I Know that we have by far the healthiest interdependent relationship I have ever experienced.  (Healthy Romantic Relationships - Interdependent, not codependent)  I hope and pray that it will last for the rest of my life.

It is hard however, for me to imagine being able to keep Joy2MeU going without having the book in print - and right now the money isn't available.  I was able to locate the printer who did the reprint in 2003, even though they had been bought out and merged with several times since then.  They have the film to do the reprint - and I have sent them the fax confirming the quote and ordering that reprint.  Right now I just need to come up with half of the money up front to get the printing started.

I had added this note to my Donation / Love Offering page in December.

December 14, 2005 - I still do not know where all the money to print more books will come from.  It will cost a little over $3000 to print 1000 books, $3,500 to print 2000, $3800 to print 3000, and a little over $4000 to print 4000 books.  By the end of the month I hope I will have enough to pay for about half of the minimum order of 1000 books - and would really like to print more since the more one prints the cheaper they are per book.  Anyone who is led by their Spirit to be an angel / eskimo in helping keep the Dance in print will be much appreciated.  (For anyone not understanding the eskimo reference, I tell that story in the 3rd step portion of this article: The Miracle of The Twelve Step Recovery Process: The first three steps ) - Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving ~ Donations / Love Offerings
I thought that the first half of the money would come from a loan my Lady would have closing - but that loan, though it finally closed last week, ended up getting changed several times (and the company she was working with - between the bank and the new national mortgage company she is now with - took out some hidden charges) and she will make about a third of the money we thought she was going to make on it.  As a result, we are not going to get enough from it to put down the half up front for the printing.

I am at a place right now where I will probably run out of books in the coming week.  I am down to where I have started using books with some damage to their covers, or that had been signed to someone else, that I recovered from my storage space.  Amazon.com is returning 36 books that it says are unsalable - which means they have a bent corner or nick in the cover.  Almost all of the books in a print run have some little spot or nick on them - and the best of them are what Amazon requires.  Those nicks and spots don't affect reading the book of course, and I anticipate that I will be able to use most, if not all of those 36 books to fill orders.  I don't know when they will be arriving however, since Amazon can be amazingly slow in their bureaucracy when dealing with venders selling on consignment - though my experience is they are very quick and efficient with buyers.

When I don't have any books left to fill the orders coming in, I will be offering people either refunds, or if they are willing to wait, subscriptions to the Dancing in Light pay to view section of the site as compensation for waiting a few weeks for their book.

Hopefully it will only be a few weeks - although right now I do not know when I am going to be able to get the printing started.  It will take about 3 weeks from the time the printing process is started until I can get the books delivered.  If someone out there has the means to donate the money to get that going, that would be a blessed, goddess sent gift.  Or even if someone has the space on a credit card or whatever, and would make an open ended loan of the start up money - I would be eternally grateful.

I had thought I would be asking here for donations to help get the books from the printer - the second half of the money.  But now I need to ask for help with all of it - or at least a large majority portion of it.  I had figured out that if 5% of the people on my e-mail list donated $10 to the cause, I would probably have the money to get the books delivered.  Now it is more like 10% of the Magnificent Spiritual Beings on my mailing list, donating at least $10 would be required.

So, I am asking.  Pleading.  Begging.  Imploring you and the Universe for help here.  If you have found the quality of your life improved by reading my book or website, by listening to my tapes or doing telephone counseling - please, please, send a little Love my way to help me keep Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls in print.  If you can give $10, $20, $50, whatever - it will be greatly appreciated.  What would be wonderful is if I can raise not just enough money to keep the book in print, but to get several thousand of them - and also enough to bring out the audio version on CD.  What would break my heart is if I am not able to keep it in print.  So, help!  Anyone out there who has benefited from my work, please send a little donation to the cause / Love offering my way now.  Thank you.

Update January 26, 2006 - The Universe has kicked down a miracle to give me the resources to get the printing process started.  Hurrah!  Now I need to find the money to get the books delivered once they are printed.  I need to raise around $1800 by the middle of February - and if I can get a little more than that quickly, I can still up the print run another thousand books, which would be wonderful.  So, I appeal to anyone out there whose Spirit guides them to do some Spiritual Tithing - if my book, tapes, or site has helped you in your Spiritual Awakening and recovery process, please lend a hand.  I will be very grateful to anyone who can help keep Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls in print. ~ Robert

Below are some links to make donations.  There are larger donation amounts on the Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving ~ Donations / Love Offerings page - which also as I said earlier, shares some history of how angels / eskimos made the book and website possible.  If you would like to send a check, the address is PO Box 977, Cambria CA 93428 (the permanent address of Joy to You & Me Enterprises), or you can call me at 760-230-1821 if you can help financially in some way.  I will be forever grateful.

On that Donation page I state the following: "Anyone making a contribution of $50 or more will be sent a gift subscription to the new Dancing in Light pay to view section of the site.  Anyone making a contribution of $100 or more will also be sent a gift subscription to the Joy2MeU Journal."  For the purposes of this appeal, I will give a subscription to Dancing in the Light to anyone who makes a donation of $20 or more, and the Joy2MeU Journal for gifts of $50 or more.
It is also possible to use PayPal to make a donation by clicking this button: 

A New Year ~ 2006

So, this year of 2006 has dawned with me in a wonderful relationship, living in a beautiful house - and wondering what is going to happen with my book.  It seems an appropriate time to remember the Truth of who I AM.  And to remind you who you are.  Of who we all are.  This is the excerpt from my January 2002 Update that I want to share again here in 2006.
"Happy New Year to all the Magnificent Spiritual Beings on my e-mailing list,

Hi everybody.  Here it is 2002.  Amazing.  It seems like only a couple of days ago that it felt like it was going to be really strange for it not to be 1990 something.  On the other hand it feels like 1999 was several lifetimes ago.  My growth process has provided me with several lifetimes of learning since then anyway.

On New Years Day of 1999, a friend sent me a quote that I had seen previously but needed to see again at that time.  I think I would like to start off 2002 by sharing it with you.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?"

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us: it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others." -1994 Inaugural Speech Nelson Mandela

I believe that Marianne Williamson actually wrote this and Nelson Mandela used it without attribution.  (8/1/04 It turns out that attributing the quote to Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech is one of those internet myths - something that never happened.  Thanks to John F. for letting me know the straight scoop on this.)  It is a wonderful quote in any event.  In my article on New Age Misinterpretations of Metaphysical Truth, and again in the online book that I just finished, I express my extreme displeasure with some things that Marianne has to say - but this is one of her gems.

The Truth that resonates in this quote is an important reminder of who we Truly are.  The natural reaction to reading this for most codependents is to judge and beat ourselves up for not being as en-Light-ened as we "should" be by this time.

It is important to remember the Truth in this quote - and to remember that we need to learn to let the Light shine within, in our relationship with ourselves first and foremost.  As I discuss towards the end of my book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls, there are some very good reasons that we have incredible resistance to owning our power - to owning, and opening up to, the Love and Light that is our True essence.  Shining the Light within starts with learning to stop judging ourselves for where we are at on our path.  Manifesting Love into the world has to start at home by learning to stop giving power to the "shoulds" and the comparisons of the critical parent voice within.

An analogy that I find useful - and have heard myself sharing in several 12 step meetings recently - is that recovery is like climbing a huge mountain.  If I stop and look at how far I have to go, I can feel overwhelmed - and my disease will try to beat me up.  It is important for me to remind myself that it is the disease / critical parent voice that wants me:  to feel overwhelmed and hopeless;  to compare myself negatively to other people;  and to judge myself against false and unreasonable expectations of perfection - of where I "should" be.  The only comparison that is helpful to me occasionally is to compare where I am now to where I used to be.  (Where I used to be in my True emotional reality - not the longing for the good old days of denial the disease tries to get us to indulge in occasionally.)  It is important for me periodically to stop and look back at how far I have come - and both congratulate myself for the actions I have been willing to take to align with healing, and express gratitude for the guidance and the miracles that have been part of my climb.  Most of the time it is best just to stay focused on what is in right in front of me, with just an occasional glance upward towards what feels like the next milestone I am heading for (not all the way to the top) - just to make any adjustments in direction that may seem helpful.  In writing the Newsletter portion of this Update (I guess you noticed that I am trying out a new format) I got in touch with a slight adjustment in my focus for the coming year." - Update January 2002

That January 2002 Update involved 2 additional Newsletter pages.  On the first of those I shared the following:
"I have learned to let go of thinking I know where my path is heading.  I do not put energy any more into thinking that Oprah is going to call, or wondering when I am going to be able to pay off my debts, or get a car that allows me to make a trip out of town without being scared it will break down.  I have learned some great and mighty lessons - about living in faith on a moment to moment basis - by driving cars that offered the potential of immanent break down.

My healing path has taught me to keep letting go of the future and just do the next thing in front of me one day at a time.  I am very grateful at the end of every month that enough money has manifested to pay the rent.  And I am willing to accept being homeless again if that is the path my Higher Power lays in front of me.

I spent 6 months in 1999 being homeless.  Not on the street homeless - I had an office for my computer - but crashing on someone's couch kind of homeless.  The lessons in acceptance and patience and letting go that I learned during that time were sacred gifts.  The level of faith that it forced me to access and practice, the depth to which I was forced to integrate my Spiritual belief system into my relationship with life, was a manifestation of Love from my Higher Power that I am now - and have been - reaping great benefits from.

Don't get me wrong, I do not want to be homeless again - or keep driving a car on it's last legs.  But I am willing to accept the reality of my path as it is presented to me and make the best of it." - Update January 2002 Newsletter 1

I have stated again and again in my Updates, and elsewhere, that my period of not having a home to live in, was one of the greatest growth opportunities of my life.  I got the opportunity to really integrate my Spiritual beliefs into my emotional relationship with life.  People would say to me, "What are you doing wrong that you are in this situation?"

And I would get the opportunity to reply, "I am not doing anything wrong.  I am perfectly where I am supposed to be on my Spiritual Path.  My recovery adventure is unfolding perfectly."

It sure didn't feel perfect.  The critical parent voice in my head wanted me to judge and shame myself for the situation.  The little boy inside of me felt like I was being punished for being unlovable and unworthy.  But my Spiritual Truth was that I had faith in my Higher Power's plan.  I kept affirming and validating that the plan was unfolding perfectly.  I can look back now and see what a wonderful growth chapter those 6 months in 1999 were in my recovery process.

Whether anyone reading this judges me for where I am at in my journey today, for needing to ask for help and donations, is out of my control - and something I have learned to not worry about.  I am not allowing my disease to cause me to judge and shame myself.  I am affirming abundance to come at the same time I am shouting my Joy and gratitude for the gifts in my life - for the part of the glass that is so full.  If I am not able to keep my book in print in the near future, it will be a perfect part of my Spiritual Path somehow.  Maybe we will end up moving to San Diego.  Maybe I will need to take a full time job someplace (although what I do already is more than a full time job - it has no guaranteed salary however, and without the books I will lose a significant portion of my income.)  I don't know what the future holds.  What I know is that my recovery has unfolded magically - that miracles have been a regular part of my journey.  I am hoping for some financial miracles now to keep the book in print.  More will be revealed about what the Divine Plan is.  Blessings on us all - Radiantly Beautiful, Magnificent Spiritual Beings that we are in our True identities - hopefully some of you will find your Spirit moving you to be of service to helping keep Joy2MeU.com online and Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls  in print.

It is by letting go that I am learning to Fly again.  As I have gradually, bit by bit, learned to let my own Light shine, I have helped others to allow more Light to shine into their lives.  I am so grateful that this has been possible.  I am so honored to have been a messenger of Truth.  Hopefully, the means to continue doing my work and fulfilling my mission will manifest in my life now.

Joy and Love to Me and You,
Go to Update March 2006

Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page

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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, & 2006 by Robert Burney  PO Box 977 Cambria CA 93428.
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One of the headshots from my acting days.