Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page
This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Cosmic Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.  These Update Newsletters are posted 4 times a year at about 3 month intervals.  A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list when a new Update is posted. (e-mail link below)  (Links within the text will open in a separate browser window, while those in right hand column will take you away from this page.)
Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update
To any Magnificent Spiritual Beings reading this,

Well, 2003 is almost over.  It has been a really incredible year for me.  Lots of opportunities to practice acceptance and faith when things weren't going as I would like them to, and a whole series of wonderful miracles that manifested various types of abundance and Love into my life.

The greatest of these miracles undoubtedly was getting a new printing of my book done.  In my September Update I talked about how I would be running out of books in a short period of time and how I had posted a page on my site to send a request out to the Universe for help in keeping Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls in print.

"I will need to go to press on the next printing of The Dance before the end of September in order to not run out of books.  I do not as yet know where the money to do that will come from however.

One of the pages I added to the site since the last Update is a Donations / Love Offerings page in which I am broadcasting a request  to the Universe for help in keeping my book in print .  I discuss the history of the book and this web site - and my understanding of the metaphysical laws of energy exchange that are involved in asking for, and being willing, to give and receive help." September 2003 Update

That printing process was begun on September 27th thanks to donations from a dozen different people totally almost $4000.  The greatest of these was a man who paid for the printing of the first 2000 books.  There were several delays in the printing process, but the third printing of the book finally arrived on November 7th.  I had completely run out of books only a few days before, so it was with immense gratitude that I received the over 4000 books of this third printing. Thank you Goddess!  And thanks to the angels out there who made donations to the cause.

I redesigned that Donations page slightly earlier this month so that on the top of the page the Announcements about the progress of the printing - including statements and dedications from people who made donations - is side by side with the article I wrote for that page in which I share some of the history of the book and also my understanding of metaphysical law in relationship to giving and receiving.  That way someone who wants to read the article doesn't have to scroll through the announcements and dedications to get to it - or vice versa.

I haven't posted any new articles to the web site this month (although I did post new testimonials and links last week) because I got real sick after coming back from my Thanksgiving trip.  I actually first got sick right at the end of October with a real nasty cold. (Some people seem to refer to this as the flu that is epidemic, but to me the flu has always included stomach problems and vomiting and all that messy stuff.  What I have had is sinus and throat and chest congestion - and when it was at it's worst real achy and sore all over.  Whatever one calls it, it is no fun.) 

When I first got it, it got nasty for a week or so and then got better - but never really went away.  I actually sounded quite pathetic to many of my phone counseling clients in November.  I thought that going to Phoenix for Thanksgiving with my parents (who live in Arizona in the winter now) and my son (who I fly in from Albuquerque) would give me a break from talking on the phone so much and hasten my healing.  However while in Arizona, there seemed to be some allergy type of stuff going on, and so when I got back I was still not 100%.

That is when I made - what in retrospect is - a very poor choice.  When I saw my son, he looked terrific.  He had lost weight and really looked good.  In talking to his mother I found out that they had been on the Atkins Diet and felt energized by it besides losing weight.  My mother told me all the wonderful things she had heard about the diet - including that it is good for cholesterol also.  I have some blood sugar problems and a bit of a carbohydrate addiction, so I thought I would give it a try when I came back.  I was really sick by the first weekend in December - and did not realize until talking to a friend a week after I got back, that what I had done was really dysfunctional.  Here I was with sinus problems happening and I was eating lots of cheese.  Duh!  What a numbskull type of move.  I don't beat myself up or call myself stupid for these kinds of things any more - but I do find it amusing that I can be so unconscious in some areas sometimes.  Many of the great insights I have into my own process (as opposed to insights about other people's process which is much easier than seeing myself clearly) are of the "duh" variety - like of course, eating cheese is going to make sinus problems worse.

It just goes to reinforce something I wrote in 1989 in my Trilogy - the Magical, Mystical Spiritual Fable in which my Higher Self appears to me as a Unicorn. 

Levels of Consciousness in Relationship

"It would not be possible to measure the level of consciousness of a person on a vertical graph.  In other words, we could not make a graph and number it 1 to 100, and then figure out where a person scored as far as how high they had raised their consciousness.  The reason this is not possible is because you have a level of consciousness in relationship to every relationship, and type of relationship, in your life. 

The reason for saying "every" and "every type" is that there is an energy field of consciousness for both individual interactions (relationships) and various types of interaction categories.  For example: you may have a level of consciousness in relationship to: your ex-wife, all women, all blonde women, all women named Shirley, etc.  It depends upon what mental attitudes you are holding and what issues you have repressed emotional energy in relationship to.  Thus if you were scoring your level of consciousness on a chart - you would need thousands of charts.

As has been stated, this dance is all about relationships, and Spirituality is your relationship to self/Self, everyone and everything in your environment, and the God Force.  The point is that there are a lot of relationships that need healing - consciousness raising in relationship to - and they all have to do with your relationship with you.  All of the relationships outside are reflections of what is within, everything is symbolic on some level.  There is no single level of consciousness.  Levels of consciousness are relative in relationship to relationships.  Any individual may be high in some areas and low in others.  You may have a high level of consciousness in relationship to understanding Spiritual Truth or emotional healing, and a low level in relationship to your relationships with the opposite sex, or you own body, or whatever." - The Dance of the Wounded Souls Trilogy Book 1 History of the Universe Part VI  Notes to Earthlings

When I wrote in this quote about someone having a high level of consciousness in relationship to some areas and low in others - I was specifically thinking about to my level of consciousness in relationship to romantic relationships.  My childhood wounding - which included sexuality abuse and emotional incest (topics my latest suite 101 articles in right hand column) - coupled with trauma I experienced in my first romantic, sexual relationship, caused me to adapt defenses that created a virtual relationship phobia.  I had a real terror of intimacy.

In my recovery (and my 20th sobriety birthday is January 3rd - hurrah - miracles do happen) I had my first long term relationship when I was 7 1/2 years sober and 5 years into Codependency recovery.  It lasted from 1991 to 1993 - and was the first time I had lived with a woman in over 2 decades.  That is the longest relationship I have had except for the first one I just mentioned in my late teens and early 20s.  When I got into the relationship in 1991 I was at - as I describe it someplace in my writing - a Neanderthal level of consciousness in relationship to romantic relationships.

I have come a long ways since then.  But the bottom line about romantic relationships is that we can only really learn how to do one by being in one - we get in touch with our deepest wounds and strongest reactive buttons when we open our heart.  And as I say in various articles, I believe that romantic relationships are the greatest arena for Spiritual Growth available to us.  That is why one of the great gifts in my life this year was getting the opportunity to get my heart broken - as I mentioned in my September Update.

"The processing I refer to, that I did in my online journal in the Joy2MeU Journal last November, opened me up to being available for a romantic relationship this year.  It was an opportunity that came out of left field, and involved someone who lives a long distance away from me.  I have resisted getting involved in long distance relationships for years, because geographically unavailable is unavailable.  But the Universe works in mysterious ways at times, and by staying in the moment and being present for the unfolding adventure a relationship developed.

It has been a wonderful experience that has helped me work through many blocks in my defenses against intimacy and Love.  It was wonderful to be able to experience a romance after 4 years of not even coming close to one.  I was able to be in the moment, and be Loving in the moment, while letting go of fear and projection to an amazing extent.  The Loving and being Loved was wonderful - and the laughter together was delicious.  That is the very good news.  The bad news is that codependent reactions intruded and a couple of weeks ago I got to experience the feeling of having my heart broken one more time." - September 2003 Update

I am very grateful for the gift that this relationship was in my life this year.  It helped me get in touch with my capacity to Love in a wonderful and unique way.  It also gave me an opportunity to get in touch with lots of grief that I got to release, and to - I believe - break through my fear of intimacy defenses in a major transformational way.

In my Update of May 2001 I shared how I had caught myself saying something to a friend after a meeting that brought my fear of intimacy issues to the forefront.  I then started processing through those issues in what ended up being 3 Newsletter pages added to that Update.  And then I took that processing to my Joy2MeU Journal for 4 more pages of processing and grieving and insight.

In my Joy2MeU Journal (in addition to the 235 + pages of Joy2MeU.com, I have a separate body of work in a password protected part of the site - another 80 or 90 pages that is open only to subscribers - the Premier Issue of it is free for preview) I share a personal journal (not part of my plan when I wrote that first issue, just something that evolved) as part of a series called The Path of one Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul - a series of articles about my recovery and spiritual path.  The journal part of it I call My Unfolding Dance.

On October 1st, I began one of my writing frenzies in that personal journal within the Joy2MeU Journal.  I was writing and processing about the romantic adventure I had this year - working through layers of grief to sort out what had happened and what lessons there were for me to learn from the adventure.  I am going to share a few excerpts from it in the Newsletter portion of this Update because there is some good stuff about letting go - that I think many of you will find valuable.

I am publishing the 10th page that has resulted from that writing / processing frenzy at the same time I am publishing this Update - and the frenzy is not finished yet.  It is because my writing has been focused on that processing that I haven't added any original articles to this web site since the last Update.  What I have done is added 7 articles that I originally published on Suite 101 - including 6 that are a part of a series on Discernment in relationship to the Serenity Prayer.


Shortly after finishing the writing above yesterday - as I was getting ready to go to the post office to mail some book orders - an earthquake hit.  The epicenter was only about 7 miles away and it was measured at 6.5.  It was a major shaking - and I had adrenaline in my system for several hours afterwards, and keep getting little shots of it with the aftershocks.  There was no damage to my place or to me.  There was visceral fear that shot through me at the time - but I will still take an earthquake every 20 years or so over living in snow. ;-) 

I had hoped I would be able to announce a speaking gig at a CoDA Conference in the Midwest in this Update - but it ended up not working out.  There is a chance of a workshop in Sacramento in a couple of months however, so if anyone thinks they would be interested in attending that send me an e-mail.  I will of course announce it on the web site if it manifests.  I am going to end this part of this Update with a quote from my article Happy Holidays, Sad Holidays

"So, have a happy, merry, sad, Joyous, painful, peaceful, scary, cheerful in the moment Holiday season experiencing what it feels like to be alive in human body.  Whatever your celebration: Christmas, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, New Years, etc. let it be about the new beginning; the rededication to: the recommitment to: the rebirth of;  life.  But most of all, let it be about Love by first of all Loving yourself enough to tell the critical parent voice in your head to shut up with all the comparisons and shame and judgment."

Additions to the web site since the September Update include: 

7 new pages with articles originally published on my Suite 101 page: 

Sanctuary Trauma ~ memories and emotional honesty

Including a series on the Serenity Prayer and Discernment "The Wisdom to know the difference":

Serenity - Accepting the things we cannot change

Intellectual Discernment - focused within

Emotional Discernment - taking power away from the fear

Intellectual Discernment - shutting up the critical voice

Emotional Discernment - Watch how you speak

Intellectual Discernment - "have to" and the Holiday Season

I called attention to two articles that have to do - like the one above - with the Holiday Season, which offers so many of us lots of opportunities for growth.

Thanksgiving Column

Happy Holidays, Sad Holidays 

Ten new pages have been added to my personal journal in the  Joy2MeU Journal

In addition:

I added links to a web site that has Spanish Translations of some of the articles in my Codependence section

Two new resources have been added to the Referral to local Therapist / Counselors page - one in Arizona and one in Ontario Canada.

Two new batches of wonderful testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site were added in October and December. 

Eight new phone counseling testimonials have been added since the September Update and I did some redesign to that page to add a bit of explanation about the process. 

Some feedback about new Journal pages on Journal Testimonial page

The site has received a new Award

A bookstore in Michigan stocked  Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls - listed on the Bookstores page.

A new link added on the Finding CoDA meetings page - to a web site that lists meetings in New York City.

Most Recent articles published on my Suite101 page

Published August 2003 

Homosexuality - and the Bible

Published September 2003 

The Crippling Shame of Incest / Sexual Abuse

Published October 2003 

Sexuality Abuse

Published November 2003

Emotional Incest = Sexuality Abuse

Suite 101 has now published an e-book of my series of articles Dysfunctional Relationship Dynamics - Healthy Relationship Behavior - which can be purchased for $9.95 through Suite 101 Anthology page
Graphic of two hearts with an arrow through them - signifying both Love and heartbreak.
Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page.  Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.


Here is a long excerpt from the Joy2MeU Journal in which I was talking about different levels of letting go.
"Letting go is not a destination - it is part of a process, of our journey.  Letting go on one level is part of daily life, part of going with the flow of life with some serenity - instead of creating artificial, codependent stress and frustration for our self by trying to control life and force our will on it. 
"So, I accept whatever it is that I perceive as deprivation today - and make the best of today.  That doesn't mean that it doesn't generate stress for me.  But the stress is like the 3. earthquake as compared to the 8. earthquake that my perspective of life used to generate for me. 

The great majority of stress felt by any codependent is manufactured out of dysfunctional beliefs and definitions - perspectives and expectations that cause us to feel victimized.  Most of the stress I used to feel had to do with trying to figure out how to control life, worrying about what is right or wrong, obsessing about trying to change someone else.  By learning to accept the things I cannot change, and integrating a Spiritual belief system into my subconscious programming and emotional relationship with life, I reduced my perception of stress by maybe 10,000%.  Learning to let go has removed the illusion of stress from my life that was being caused by living life as if it were a test I could fail.  There is still some legitimate stress that is caused by life events and circumstances.  It is not bad or wrong to feel stressed.  There are times when it was real important for me to own that it was OK to feel stressed - what was important was not to let the impending doom, fear based programming of the disease blow things out of proportion and create artificial stress based upon false beliefs." Dance 11 written June 20, 2002

A great example of how the process of letting go works in moment to moment, day to day life, came when I was trying to explain how important it was to accept - and not judge our self for - our humanity in my January 2002 Update Newsletter.  I was talking about recognizing there can be levels to our motives that are codependent and levels that are "right on" at the same time (some of my e-mails here being perfect examples) and in trying to write about it, I got to demonstrate how the letting go process works. 
"In writing about levels of motivation, and how important it is to surrender to my Higher Power's plan instead of trying to make things work the way I think they should - I was getting frustrated because things weren't working the way I thought they should.  I was aware that I was getting frustrated and what that meant, but being human I tried to hold onto "my way" a little longer.  Which led to more frustration.  Engaging in a power struggle with God is a set up to feel frustrated. 

See what I mean about it being silly to put much energy into my ego's attempts to control.  I was getting frustrated and knew I needed to surrender - but I was being willful and not accepting that I needed to surrender to being willing to surrender.  Pretty amusing really. ;-) 

My writing about levels of motive had led into attempting to communicate a message about how important it is to accept our humanness.  And I get to demonstrate my humanness in my attempts to write about accepting it.  Perfectly ironic - ironically perfect. 

It is so valuable to stop shaming ourselves and instead to start being amused at our human self.  To stop calling ourselves stupid and to start seeing the humor in how silly it is to try to control this life business." -  Joy2MeU Update January 2002 -  Newsletter 1 

Letting go in a major way - of a relationship for instance - is a higher level of the process.  We don't let go of something that we have a strong emotional investment in and have the desire to have it back just disappear.  The desire, pain, wanting, feeling of need, anger, whatever, associated with the lost dream comes back up - and we let it go again, and then again, and then again.  At first maybe hundreds of times a day.  As time starts to heal our wounds, gradually it doesn't come back up as strong or as often - so we don't have to let go as many times a day.  (And the healing process is greatly accelerated when we are able to not shame and judge our self for the loss we have experienced, but rather look for the silver lining and be gentle with our self as we grieve.) 

Then there is even a higher level - times when the letting go / surrender marks a major milestone in our journey.  Times on our path when we go through major transformations in which we surrender / let go of some perspective with which we have been viewing our self and our relationship to life - when we experience a major paradigm shift.  And often these major shifts / transformations are so huge that they change our relationship with everything. 

We are involved in a process, a journey, on multiple levels.  One level is, of course, the individual level.  Another much higher level is the level of the Collective Human Soul:  the ONE Soul of which we are all extensions, of which we are all manifestations. . . . . .

Both the individual process and the larger human process are marked by milestones.  These milestones feel like endings and beginnings, in many instances they feel like and appear to humans to be tragedy.  They are in Truth a perfectly planned series of lessons.  A perfect part of the unfolding of the Divine script.  These milestones are benchmarks in the progress of the process.  They mark the beginnings of new phases, new stages. . . . . . 

(This color of text is used for quotes from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls)

. . . . . Letting go of this relationship was a catalyst that facilitated a much larger surrender. 

"It may, and often does in my experience, turn out that once I have let go of something - let go of trying to dictate to the Universe my idea of what I need in my life to be OK - then the Universe says "OK, now that you have surrendered, you can have what you wanted." 

Because when I let go, I also open up to receive.  As long as I am holding onto something, I am blocking the energy flow of the Universe. I have to let go and open up in order to allow the flow. 

The catch is, that the letting go has to be real.  I have to accept on a gut level that I can be happy and peaceful and fulfilled without: money; a relationship; whatever.  There is no tricking the Universe into thinking I have let go when I am just pretending to let go so that I can get."   Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update 2-4-00

. . . . . . . It doesn't mean my desire for the fantasy is going to go away.  It will keep coming up - and I will let it go again and again as I surrender to the Plan as it is written.  Thy will not my will be done." The Path of One Recovering Codependent ~ the dance of one wounded soul: My Unfolding Dance 22 published October 29, 2003
A short excerpt:
"I have been having to work real hard at certain times - some periods for hours - on my internal boundaries to keep from being in the kind of energy that drives relationship addiction. The feelings of desperation, panic, and terror that the wounded inner children feel about losing a source of love.  The feeling of energy out of control in my body so that I am not comfortable in my own skin - so that I feel like I am jumping out of my own skin.  The life and death urgency, desperate neediness to be reassured that my love is not going to go away. 

I have, of course, recognized these inner child place for what they are, and have continued to talk to them and try to calm them down - reassuring them that everything is going to be okay.  That does not mean telling them that she will come back, that she won't go away.  It means telling them, that if she does go away it will be what is best for us.  That if she goes away it will be part of our Higher Power's plan.  That maybe our Higher Power brought her into our life to break through the barriers and learn about Love because there is going be another woman in the future who will be able to be more available and willing to commit to the adventure." - My Unfolding Dance 21

Another long excerpt that contains some description of the process of doing the inner child work.
"The grief is right near the surface.  All I have to do is consciously breathe into it, and the sobbing starts coming, the tears start flowing. 

What comes out of my mouth is, "I don't want to lose her."  Sobbing.  Crying.  Hurting. 

And then I tell myself, this can't all be about her.  All this grief is not about the possibility of losing this specific person.  I need to separate out the levels here.  The intuitive message I have gotten for years, what I tell the people I am working with, is that, about 20% of what we are feeling in a moment of intense grief is about what is happening now - and about 80% of it is unresolved grief from the past. 

This doesn't feel like childhood grief though.  I am sure some of it is connected to issues from my childhood, some of it is childhood wounds being triggered - but this doesn't feel like inner child wounds. 

And then I get it.  This is adult grief about being alone.  This is about how deprived I have been in my adult life.  Sobs bubbling to the surface in a continuous stream of burp like little explosions (not a very elegant description, but graphically accurate:).  Tears seeping from my eyes. 

This is about being so alone for so long as an adult.  This is about being deprived of companionship, of affection, of romance, of touch, of sexual expression.  This is grief from my adult life that I am feeling now. 

"These deprivation issues bring up a great deal of sadness for me.  It is not old grief from my childhood that I can release and take power away from.  These are ongoing issues that I need to release grief energy about, but then more builds up.  This is grief about now - and the recent past. 

When these issues are triggered, I need to just feel the sadness - to acknowledge it, honor it, release what I can.  I need to accept them as a perfect part of my path somehow, so I don't fall into a victim place of self pity about them.  I can feel sad for myself, affirm that I need and deserve affection, touch, Love, companionship, sexual fulfillment - and then let go of buying into the belief that I am a victim because those needs are not being fulfilled today. 

This is one of those internal boundary areas that I have found so important to practice discernment about in recovery.  I need to feel and honor the feelings - the feeling of being deprived, the feeling of being the victim of both my fear of intimacy and the Divine plan - but it is vital for me to not buy into the belief that I am a victim in relationship to my Spiritual Path.  Buying into the belief in victimization is what creates the artificial emotional state that is self pity." - Dance 12  written June 23, 2002

This is really good.  This grief is really important to feel and identify because it will help me to see things more clearly now. 

This is why internal discernment is so vital to me and my process.  I always initially identify the feelings coming up with the most recent thing that has triggered it - thus my first reaction is that what I was feeling was all about losing her. 

At this point in my writing on the morning of October 7th about what happened yesterday afternoon, I got off into a discussion of the dynamics of my internal processing, of discernment, and of the disease dynamics as it manifests in romantic relationships.  It is a really valuable discussion but it belongs elsewhere, so will be in a few chapters.  Here is a quote from that writing:

By being in my observer consciousness and telling myself the Truth, that this is not just about her - I am able to start identifying what it is really about.  I recognize that part of the anguish I heard in my voice when I said, "I don't want to lose her!" is being caused by my disease.

Anguish and grief are two different things.  Grief is pure emotional energy flowing.   Anguish is caused by the mental filter / perspective that is dictating how I am relating to the emotions.  Anguish is grief sifted / examined through a filter of fear, shame, blame, and black and white thinking.

It feels like it is all about her.  It feels like I am losing her.  It feels like I will never have another love like this. 

Those are feelings - they are not telling me facts, are not telling me the whole Truth. 

Just because it feels like you are being punished does not mean that is the Truth.  Feelings are real - they are emotional energy that is manifested in our body - but they are not necessarily fact. 

What we feel is our "emotional truth" and it does not necessarily have anything to do with either facts or the emotional energy that is Truth with a capital '"T" - especially when we our reacting out of an age of our inner child.

Hearing the anguish in my voice as I was crying and sobbing, saying, "I don't want to lose her" was an immediate tip off to me that the disease was in play - was putting a negative, victim based spin on what I was feeling in the moment. 

So, I pulled myself into my observer consciousness, my recovery control center, and started looking at what was happening from the perspective of the empowered adult on a Spiritual Path.  I started using the tools from my codependency recovery tool box. 

The tone and anguish in my voice did go back to an inner child wound.  The genesis of the wound was in my childhood.  It feels like it is probably real connected to the incredible pain, to the loneliness and feelings of isolation, that the 7 year old who tried to commit suicide must have felt. 

But I have substantially healed that 7 year old's wound - it has next to no power in my life any more.  This is about the effects of that wound - about the layers that were piled on top of it.  This grief about how the defenses - that I adapted to protect the part of me that wanted to die - created my relationship phobia / terror of intimacy as an adult.  This grief is about the deprivation I suffered as an adult because of the childhood wounding. 

"I also know that there are layers of grief from the emotional trauma I experienced.  There is not only trauma about what happened back then - there is also grief about the effect those experiences had on me later in life.   I get to cry once again for that little boy as I write this.  I have been sobbing for that little boy and the emotional trauma he experienced - but I am also sobbing for the man that I became. . . . 

. . . . . I have been going through a transformation one more time in my recovery.  Each time that I need to grow some more - need to surrender some more of who I thought I was in order to become who I am - I get to peel another layer of the onion.  Each time this happens I get to reach a deeper level of honesty and see things clearer than I ever have before.  Each time, I also get to release some of the emotional energy through crying and raging. 

Through clearer eyes, and with deeper emotional honesty, I get to look at all of my major issues again to heal them some more.  I used to think that I could deal with an issue and be done with it - but now I know that is not the way the healing process works.  So recently I have gotten the opportunity to revisit my issues of abandonment and betrayal, of deprivation and discounting.  My issues with my mother and father, with my gender and sexuality, with money and success.  My issues with the God I was taught about and the God-Force that I choose to believe in.  My patterns of self-abusive behavior that are driven by my emotional wounds - and the attempts that I make to forgive myself for behavior that I have been powerless over.  And they all lead me back to the core issue.  I am not worthy.  I am not good enough.  Something is wrong with me. 

At the core of my relationship is the little boy who feels unworthy and unlovable.  And my relationship with myself was built on that foundation.  The original wounding caused me to adapt attitudes and behavior patterns which caused me to be further traumatized and wounded - which caused me to adapt different attitudes and behavior patterns which caused me to be further traumatized and wounded in different ways.  Layer upon layer the wounds were laid - multifaceted, incredibly complex and convoluted is the disease of Codependence.  Truly insidious, baffling and powerful." - Grief, Love, & Fear of Intimacy

To say that what I am going through now feels like a major transformation is an understatement of epic proportions. 

Yesterday when I was going through the grieving, I wasn't doing all this analyzing.  I was just working my program as I have learned to work it.  This is part of the gift of this writing for me - and for you hopefully - is that in writing about my process, I end up breaking it down into an understandable (hopefully) explanation of the underlying dynamics." My Unfolding Dance 19

Hopefully some of you will find these excerpts helpful.:-) RB 12-23-03 

With Wishes of Joy and Love to Me and You all 2,
Broken hearts and broken dreams lead to fear of risking - graphic with two hearts with an arrow through them.

Go to March 2004 Joy2MeU Update
Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page

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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996 thru 2015 by Robert Burney  PO Box 98 Fallbrook CA 92088.