Abundant Spirituality + codependency recovery + inner child healing + Love = Joy2MeULogo of Joy to You & Me Enterprises, publisher of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Joy2MeU Home Page
This is the Newsletter of the Joy2MeU web site of codependency therapist, inner child healing pioneer, Spiritual teacher Robert Burney - who is the author of the Joyously inspirational book of Spirituality: Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.
These Update Newsletters are posted online 2 or 3 times a year at about 4 month intervals.  A short announcement e-mail is sent out notifying people - who sign up for the Joy2MeU e-mailing list - when a new Update is posted.  (Links within the text will open in a separate browser window, while most of those in right hand column will take you away from this page.)
Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update
Hello Magnificent Expressions / Extensions of The Divine presently occupying human body vehicles,

It's hot here.  Especially in this little duplex we live in.  Last evening the temperature in the house was 85 degrees Fahrenheit.  As much as I hate seeing the days get shorter, I will be glad when it cools down a bit.  (I will be even happier when the Universe manifests the abundance to move into a larger place where Darien can have his own room.)

Speaking of abundance, I am trying to generate some by posting a page with some Temporary Special Offers that are only good until September 7th. Included are the lowest options I have ever offered for telephone counseling (since the last time the rates went up) - with one offer that works out to $50.50 an hour, and others that are $55 an hour or less.  To check out those temporary offers go here:  Temporary Special Offers.

I am going to bring you all up to date by including below the messages I have sent out to my Yahoo mailing list since the last Update - but wanted to mention a few of the new additions and/or developments here.  

The biggest news is that we canceled the planned cruise to the Mexican Riviera in November. We are replacing it with an Exotic Western Caribbean Cruise to the Western Caribbean leaving from New Orleans in February.  I really liked the idea that this cruise was leaving from New Orleans instead of Miami, because I think it makes it more accessible to people who live in parts of the South, Southwest and the Heartland (that is what they call the Midwest in Nebraska anyway.;-) It is also not as much flying for us with our soon to be 5 year old little man.  We announced the Mexican Riviera cruise about a week or so before the Swine Flu started making the news - so it was not good timing for that cruise.  Hopefully one of these years we can do that one.

I added a new introduction to my Joy2MeU Journal information page - something I have been meaning to do for quite awhile.  I wrote a great deal in the Journal up until the end of 2004 - and hadn't really explained why I wasn't posting anything in it on that page since then.  So, this new introduction was greatly needed.  Here is a quote from that updated page.

"Starting in 1999 and continuing through the end of 2004 I shared in this Journal a personal journal where I was processing through my fear of intimacy issues.  That very painful process resulted in getting me to a place where I am in a relationship and don't have time to write any more.;-)

What this Journal turned into is (as I describe it on my siteindex page):  "a body of work in a password protected part of the site where Robert is publishing the story of his Spiritual Path, a ongoing personal recovery journal, and portions of his Trilogy and Attack on America books not available on regular Joy2MeU site."" - Joy2MeU Journal information page

Included in the information in that new introduction is the fact that we are going to be including some of the material that is now in the Journal - along with the 2 online books and other articles that are in the Dancing in Light subscription are - in a new site dancinginlight.com.   That site probably won't be ready for a month or so, but when it is I will be lowering the price for the Joy2MeU Journal from $33 to $23.  In the meantime, I am offering it for the very special price of $19.95.

We have launched 3 more new websites - on inner child healing, romantic relationships, and metaphysics.  I am working on another one now that will be the eighth new one when I get it ready to launch.  dancinginlight.com will be the ninth.

I announced new dates for Intensive Training Days in October, November and January - and added testimonials for the ones in May and July.  My next one is Sunday Sept. 6th - and there are special offers for it on the Temporary Special Offers page.

In the message I sent out to my Yahoo mailing list last Sunday, I talked about my desire to be able to film one of my Intensives (something we tried unsuccessfully in May.)

"So, I would really love to get the Intensive filmed (taped, whatever you call it these days), but short of a major miracle I don't know how we can afford to rent professional equipment to do it. I think it will cost in the neighborhood of $350 to $400 - so I am putting it out to the Universe and this list, that I would love to have an angel / eskimo who would be willing to rent that equipment for us.  (Or make a donation towards that goal.  If we are able to come up with a DVD of the workshop, I will happily send a copy of it to anyone who makes a donation of $50 or more.)" - Message to Yahoo mailing list August 23rd 2009

I was thinking this morning that I should have offered co-producer credit to anyone who rented the equipment from us.;-)  At this time it doesn't look like we are going to be able to do the filming.  I would probably have to know that it is possible by Wednesday September 2nd in order to get everything set up to do it - so if someone wants to be co-producer, let me know.  Hopefully we will get this filmed one of these days.

Additions to the web site since the April 2009 Update include:

A page with information about an Intensive Training Workshop + follow up sessions on an Exotic Western Caribbean Cruise leaving New Orleans February 2010

Added a new introduction and special price to the Joy2MeU Journal information page

Temporary Special Offers page

Two new sets of stories added to the page dedicated to my precious godson / step grandson Darien

New web sites launched:




Changes have been also made to the Special Offers page

In addition:

Announced that Intensive Training Days are scheduled for San Diego on October 11th, November 22nd, and January 2, 2010

The testimonials for the May and July Intensives have been added to the Intensive Testimonials page

A new batch of wonderful Testimonials for the book, tapes, and web site.

 Some new testimonials added to the Telephone counseling testimonial page. 

New links added to the Recommended Links page


A few days after posting the latest additions to my Darien page, towards bedtime he was fooling around behind me on the couch.  He started trying to take things out of my pockets - and then I did let him take some folded up flyers out of my back pocket.  The were flyers for my next Intensive that I carry around in case I meet someone that I think might be interested in my work.  When he opened the flyer and looked at it, he says "It's you!" - because my picture is on the flyer.

Then he got this look of, like wonder on his face, and he gushed - gush is the word that most accurately fits the tone of voice and emotional content of his expression (not a way of expressing himself that I have ever heard from him before) - "I Love you!"  And then he said, "You do this for the whole world."  And he repeated both of those things several times after that.

I have no idea what was going on in his 4 3/4 year old brain - what he thought the flyer was - but it felt like a communication directly from his Spirit.  It felt like a Goddess Stroke - a term I coined in my  October 2000 Update Newsletter (the most powerful and personally important to me of all my Update Newsletters) - that is, a positive message / affirmation / confirmation / commendation / reminder from the Universe.

"I had a couple of really wonderful "God-shots" this past Sunday.  "God-shots" are messages that come out of the blue - unexpected surprises that are messages from my Higher Power telling me that I am on the right path, doing what I am supposed to be doing.  (Actually the term God-shot is a term I hadn't used in quite awhile - and while I was walking by the ocean in the fog earlier today, I decided to use a different term:  Goddess Strokes.  I like this better - a little gentler and more accurately descriptive, not such a macho sounding term. ;-)

Goddess strokes can come in a variety of forms.  They can involve seeing a whale or some dolphins, some deer or hawks, at a particularly perfect moment.  This morning I looked out my window as I sat here at my computer, and a hummingbird came flying up and hovered there looking in at me for a moment.  In the Medicine Cards, the hummingbird is a symbol of Joy - and a reminder to me of the goal and the purpose of my path - Joy to you & me.

Goddess strokes can involve the perfect words of a song being the first thing I hear when I start my car.  (Although not recently as my car radio hasn't worked for a while.)  Or flicking the channels on the TV at the perfect moment to hear the message I need to hear.  Or hearing that perfect message in the middle of a movie, or buried in a book that has nothing to do with healing.  Those messages can come from a billboard beside the road or a snatch of conversation overheard.

The most powerful ones usually come from people.  In person, or through an e-mail - over the phone or in a letter.  Sometimes when I am feeling low, when I am feeling as if my Higher Power has abandoned me, some feedback or message will pop up out of nowhere to remind me why I have chosen this path.  To remind me that I teach best what I most need to learn.  To remind me to surrender to being Unconditionally Loved. " - October 2000 Update Newsletter

It felt as if the Great Spirit was speaking to me through him in that moment.  It felt as if I was being reminded that yes, one of the reasons I do these workshops is for the whole planet - that following my path and speaking my Truth is not only what I need to do for me personally, but that it is what is necessary because of my Karmic mission is in this lifetime.

"In the summer of 1988, I went through an inconceivable experience which was a recreation of some events from a past lifetime.  In that lifetime, I had been a coward who did not stand up to evil.  In August of 1988 I was given a chance at redemption - an opportunity to stand up to evil.  (Definitely a good news - bad news situation, a black cloud - silver lining type of opportunity.)  The message I got was that in this lifetime - in order to settle the Karma from that and other lifetimes - I was going to have to be willing to stand up in public and speak my Truth.  I needed to be take responsibility and be willing to speak my Truth even if everyone in the world thought I was crazy.

So, in the spring of 1991, when I felt this message coming through me, I knew that I had to follow where I was led.  I set some dates to do a talk in June of 1991.  It was that talk which became my book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls.

"I was terrified beyond description the first time I gave this talk in June of 1991. It seemed as if emotional memories of what it felt like to be stoned to death by an angry mob were assaulting my being. I went ahead with it anyway, because it is what I needed to do for myself. I needed to stand up in public and own my Truth. I needed to own the Truth that I had come to believe in, the Truth that worked for me to allow me to find some happiness, peace, and Joy in my life. I found that other people found Joy and peace in my message also." - Author's Foreword of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls" - quote from Attack on America - Chapter 7 (Attack on America - A Spiritual Healing Perspective is an online book I started posting online on 9/22/01 and it is available in both  Joy2MeU Journal and Dancing in Light subscription areas of Joy2MeU.com)

It was a reminder from the Universe that there is a very good reason for all the pages I make available to anyone in the world who can access the internet - no matter how many marketing people tell me it is stupid to make so much available for free.  My mission is to be a messenger to remind people of the Truth of who we really are, and why we are here at this very special time in the history of humanity. To remind people of the Truth of ONENESS in LOVE - and that Love is the Light that will guide us back home. And due to the incredible power of the internet, I am accomplishing my mission and affecting the Collective Consciousness of the planet globally 24/7 no matter what is going on in my personal life at any given time.  What a gift!

What a blessing to have this little angel named Darien in my life to remind me to feel Joy and Love in the moment - and to remind me of what an honor it is to be on this mission / to be a messenger of Truth, no matter what kind of challenges financially or health wise or whatever are part of this human journey I am doing so imperfectly.  My Spiritual Path may not include the kind of rewards that my ego tells me I deserve, or that the human part of my longs for to take away some of the stress, but it includes huge rewards of other varieties - one of the biggest of which is this little man named Darien.  (And of course, his Grandma Susan - who is providing the majority of our financial support right now.;-)

I have added Darien stories to my Darien page twice since my last Update in April - and have shared them with my Yahoo mailing list.  Below are excerpts from the messages I sent to my Yahoo mailing list in the period since my last Update in April.  The additions I have made to my Darien page are in tables with a white background.  My yahoo mailing list is for anyone who is interested to getting more frequent updates than my Update Newsletters - since I am only posting these 2 to 3 times a year now : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Joy_2_Me_U/join   (I am adding some comments now in this color to update or clarify references I made in these two messages.)

May 25, 2009  11:59 pm "New site & special offers"
Hello Magnificent and Powerful Spiritual Being who has chosen to be on my yahoo mailing list,
On the day after my Intensive Training I add the testimonials for the latest one and raise the price for the next one.  Because of the offers I have on some pages, including the home page and site index page and New and news page - which include a subscription to Dancing in Light and a copy of my book along with signing up for the Intensive - that means I need to make changes on those pages also.  Since some people are signed up to be notified by email whenever the New or home page changes, I like to make any other changes at that time - so that people aren't being notified that there are changes when all I have done is change that special offer.  So, I am adding the latest announcement and changes today - May 27th.

The announcements include the official launch of another web site HealYourInnerChild.com, the testimonials from the May Intensive have been added to the Intensive Testimonials page, new Intensive dates on October 11th and November 22nd announced, the latest batch of testimonials from people whose lives have been changed by my book, tapes, CDs, and website added to the Testimonial page, and that on May 29th I will be doing an interview on the Monda Williams show on blogtalkradio.

If you have never taken a look at the Testimonial page, it is pretty amazing.  The thank you messages keep pouring in - as they have for years.  It is very touching to me, to continue to hear from people that my writing has so much impact on their lives.  Back in August 1988, when I got the message that my Karmic mission in this lifetime was to stand up in public and state my Truth even if the whole world told me I was crazy - I never could have envisioned how powerful me stating my Truth would be in the lives of so many people.  Just this week, someone who loves my work and is a marketing person, was telling me (as so many marketing and sales people have over the years) that I was giving away way too much information for free. (I had not reread this message from May until after I wrote the part just above - so didn't realize I was basically repeating something I had said months ago.)   But that is what I do - that is my mission.  I am a messenger and I know that my message is having an impact on the Collective Consciousness of the planet.  Why the Universe thinks that it is best for me to keep living barely above poverty while giving away such valuable information for free is beyond my understanding - but there is no doubt in my mind that I am to share the message and the information.  And I will keep doing that because it is what feels right to me.

I am doing whatever I can to change the financial situation - including putting up a page with some special offers that are good for a limited time.  Those offers - for phone counseling, my Intensive, and 3 copies of my book - will be good until June 27th when I next need to change the price on those special offers for my Intensive.  And when I do next change those offers I am hoping that I will be done with the new DancinginLight.com subscription site - so the regular special offers will no longer include the Dancing in Light area of Joy2MeU as I mentioned in a previous message to this group.  It is taking longer than I thought to get that new site ready because I have been working on the HealYourInnerChild site along with three others in the limited time I have to work on them. But I am almost done with two other sites so am hopeful I will find the time to get the DancinginLight site ready (still haven't gotten to that site - hopefully in September.)  More Will Be Revealed as usual.

The workshop in Ohio went great with over 60 people attending - and buying books and CDs also.  The travel there and back was a pain, but the speakers meeting and the workshop were a pleasure to do.  I also got to visit Dr. Bobs house in Akron - where Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob started AA.  It was a moving experience to feel the energy of the place.  The bedroom where Dr. Bob did a third step (before it was called that) with Bill, is a special place that people travel from long distance to experience and do third steps of their own.  I was moved to get down on my knees and do a third step there also.

We did film the last Intensive, as I told you we would.  Unfortunately it was in a format that I can't see on my Mac, and the sound quality was not good.  I sent it to Jeff (who made the CDs and is the one who is creating all the new sites and the audio download and e-book and all) for him to review to see if there is anything we can salvage out of it.  I was hoping for at least enough for a youtube video.  So, we shall see. (The camera placement and angle were not right, and it was not useable.)

I have added a new section to my page dedicated to Darien - and will include the additional material here for you in case you are interested.  The little man continues to be a source of Light and Love and Joy in my life - and my time spent taking care of him is very worth it even though it doesn't leave much time for writing.

It has been very interesting to go back over all my writing as I get these new site ready.  I need to read over every page to check to see if all the material is there and if there are things that need to be edited or changed.  So, I am, in effect, being given a chance to review most of what I have written in the last 13 years or so - and I must say that most of it is pretty darn good.;-)  One of the things that is real interesting to me is the consistency.  I have been talking about the same dynamics since the early 90s when I wrote my book, it is just the ways in which I communicate it that changed and evolved over the years - not the basic information.

I hope you are finding many moments of Joy in your life journey these days.

May 23, 2009
As I prepare some announcements and changes to make to my site for May 25th, I am also going to add the latest Darienisms to this page.  Almost every day he does or says something that causes my Spirit to Soar and my heart to come close to bursting with the Love I feel for him.  I can't possibly include them all, these are a few of the real gems.

As I was driving him to school one morning not long after my last Update when I posted this page for him, he said the following - with pauses between the sentences as he thinks about what he is saying and I reply to him.

"It's a beautiful  Day. . .   The sun is shining. . . . . The birds are singing. . . . . Grass is growing. . . . . Leaves are growing. . . . . Flowers are blooming.  Blooming means they are all colorful. . . . . And if you smell them, they smell sweet."

He is a very fastidious little man - and will probably have some control issues when he gets older.  Well, actually, he has some control issues now.  He likes things a certain way - his coat zipped up all the way not part way, the toilet paper on the roll the "right" way, etc. He doesn't like to get dirty - although of course he does - but doesn't like to get sand in his shoes and actually makes me think of the Princess and the pea the way he can detect even a grain of sand in his shoes.

He is also a very helpful man.  He likes to help his grandma in the garden, or with cooking dinner, or whatever.

He used to be very literal - and it is very fascinating to watch his intelligence evolve.  It used to be if someone said to him "See you later alligator" - he would say, "I am not an alligator.  I'm a boy."  But recently as I was picking him up from school one of the teachers said to him, "See you later alligator." - and someone else said,  "After while crocodile."  And I could see him thinking as we headed towards the door, then suddenly he turned around and said, "See you later ham sandwich."

That is what he says now at times when he or we are leaving somewhere, "See you later ham sandwich."

When he wants to make a point, or ask for something, or just communicate something he thinks is important, he will say, "I want to tell you something."  And then he will share his thoughts or wants or whatever - but he is very good at getting me to stop and listen to him when he wants my attention.  (When he was younger he would actually take my face in his hands to make sure I was looking at him and listening when he had something important to communicate.)

He continues to love to spend time playing on the computer - and is always looking for new games.  He will bring me something - a hotwheel car, or his box of legos or an ad that came in something - and tell me he wants to search on the computer.  He knows if we type in the right words we can find what he wants - except that isn't always possible and he doesn't quite understand that yet, because he thinks the computer can find anything.

One of his favorite things to say lately when we find what we are looking for, or when I understand some point he has made with me, or something happens that he was had talked about sometime earlier, is  "That's what I'm talking about."  Not sure if he got that one from TV or adapted it himself.

He does go into his king baby things some times - "I want to buy a toy now." - and will pout for awhile when I tell him we aren't buying any toys today.  He will say when we go into a store, that he just wants to look at the toys, not buy anything.  Then of course, he will want to buy once he starts looking.

He is a definite drama king at times - something that he gets from both his mother and grandmother. (You can bet I got into trouble for this remark - being accused of being quite a drama king myself at times.;-) And will cry when something happens to hurt his feelings - but it is almost a fake cry at times, like he thinks that is what is necessary when his feelings are hurt.

It is not very often that he gets out of control - and usually that is when he is tired.  Every once in a while, he will throw a little tantrum where he stalks out of the room and slams the door, or throws something.  Then I will give him a time out - which he really hates.  Usually though he gets through the pouting or drama pretty quickly and moves forward.

I have mentioned in past writings about him, that he has a stubborn streak and a defiant side - but also a sense of humor about it at times.  He came up with one a few weeks ago that blew me away - don't think it was something he got off of the TV.  He had crawled up on my lap as I sat at the computer to try to talk me into letting him play on it, instead of me working on it.  And he did what he likes to do, which is adopt a casual attitude.  He slumped back against me and put his feet up on my desk.  I said, "You be careful little man.  If you kick my computer off the desk I will have to whip your butt."  He jumped down, took a few steps away and took down his pants.  Then he stuck his bare butt out at me and patted it, saying, "This butt?  You going to whip this butt?"  I was really flabbergasted by that one. Silly little man.

I have a song I sing to him, usually as we are going to school or coming home.  The first part of it goes.  "He is a handsome man, a beautiful man, a sweet and wonderful Darien man."  The second part is, "He is a smart man.  A fast running man.  A high jumping man.  A good climbing man.  A good computer game playing man.  A Magnificent Spiritual Being of a man full of Light and Love.  And his name is . . . . . Darien Fuller."

Sometimes when I start singing it to him, he nods along agreeing with the things I am saying - and even sometimes closing his eyes and nodding like he does to music sometimes.  Sometimes he will be sitting in the back, drinking his juice, and acting like he isn't listening.  When he does that I will sometimes get to the part of the song where I say his name and act like I don't remember the name of the man I am singing about.  He will chime right up to remind me of his name at those times.

He will often request me to sing the "Darien song" for him.  He came up with a great one last week.  He was acting like he wasn't paying attention, so when it came to the end of the song I sang, "He is a sweet and wonderful man - and his name is .......Robert. 

He chimed right up to say that his name is Darien.  And then he said (with the pauses in between as he thought about what he wanted to say, "I am the sweetest man. . . .  I am a boy that loves the whole world.  I love all the people.  I love the kids.  I love all the people and the pizza man."

He is the sweetest man.   The other day we were playing in the back yard with one of his digger toys and dump trucks and our rabbit came up and nibbled on my jeans.  I said something about the rabbit - and he said, "The rabbit was hugging you. . . . because he loves you."

There was a dead moth that was in the back yard and he insisted that I pick it up and put it in the garden because that it would be more "cozy."

Anyway, I guess everyone's kids say cute things,  This little man just happens to be the apple of my eye.  Such a channel of Joy and Light and Love.

Just one more and I will stop for now - although I do plan on adding to this page periodically, as kind of a record of him growing up.  Hopefully some day when I am gone it will serve to remind him how very much I Love him and what a very special gift he is in my life.

On the way home from school earlier this week, there was a plane pulling an advertising banner in the distance.  I didn't mention it to him because I wasn't sure if he could see it from his vantage point in his car seat.  But then as it crossed in front of our path he did see it, and said, "What is that?"  I told him it was a plane pulling a sign behind it - and he asked what it said.  I told him it was too far away for me to read.  Then he came up with one of those little nuggets that throw me off until I figure out what he is talking about.  He said that he thought it was a talking lizard.  I said, "Talking lizard."  He said, "Ya, I saw it on an ad.  There was a talking lizard on TV."  And then I realized that he meant the Giecko Gecko (sp?) - and that we had seen banners with that ad behind planes some time ago.  He is constantly entertaining me, this little sweet Darien man.  He is such a blessing in my life.  I Love him so dearly. ~ Robert 5:10 am May 23rd, 2009
Wed Jun 10, 2009 10:14 am  New websites
Hello Yahoo mailing list,
On Monday a mailing went out to most of my e-mailing list - the ones who didn't get the e-mail announcement the week before - and I wanted to share it with the people on this list in case any of you are not on my e-mailing list.

Hello Magnificent and Powerful Spiritual Being,

We are happy to announce the official launch our newest website - dealing with relationships: http://www.healthyromanticrelationships.com/

On May 25th we officially launched the inner child healing site:  http://healyourinnerchild.com/ - . . . . .

Also, this last week I celebrated the 23rd anniversary of my conscious codependency recovery. Anyone interested in that story can read it here:  The Story of "Joy to You & Me"

Here's is wishing us all a summer full of Joy and abundance.


P.S. I have finally surrendered to all the suggestions to join Facebook- in no small part because Susan signed up a couple of weeks ago and is nearly addicted now.   So, I am on Facebook now - although my schedule won't allow me much time to play with it.  Just thought I would let you all know since so many people have suggested it or sent invitations.

P.P.S. On May 29th I did an interview on the Monda Williams show on blogtalkradio.  - the recording is available if you want to listen.  You can also listen to an interview that I did on December 30th with woman who has a Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse site 

Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:49 am  Special Joy2MeU & RobertBurneyLive Announcement
Hello Radiantly Beautiful Spiritual Being on my Yahoo list,
I have posted the page with the information about the new cruise we are going on. I just sent this out to my mailing list - at least the ones I have addresses for.  The larger e-mail list will hopefully go out in tomorrow.  I wanted to post it here for those of you on yahoo list in case you aren't on my regular mailing list.

Hello Radiantly Beautiful Spiritual Being,
This email is to announce a new cruise and a new website.

On June 29th I announced on the site that we were canceling the planned cruise to the Mexican Riviera in November. We are replacing it with an Exotic Luxury Cruise to the Western Caribbean leaving from New Orleans in February.  I jumped at the chance to do a cruise leaving from New Orleans because it gives a lot easier access to the cruise and the opportunity to do my Intensive workshop to people in the South and Midwest (and all you folks in Texas that have bought my book.) Also, February is a great time for people in the upper midwest to get out of the cold for a bit. The information about it is here: http://Joy2MeU.com/seminar_cruise.html

The new website that we are officially launching is one that is focused on Metaphysics: http://www.NewAgeDawned.com/

. . . I hope that you are finding some Joy and fun in your summer (for those of you in the Northern Hemisphere - hope the winter is going well for those of you down under.)

With Wishes of Joy & Peace & Love & Abundance to You & Me,

PS My birthday is on July 23rd (on the cusp of Leo and Cancer - I like to think I got the best qualities of both and none of the negative ones.;-)  If anyone who would like to send a birthday Love offering my way it would be greatly appreciated and very helpful.  http://Joy2MeU.com/Spiritual_Tithes.htm  (This is great recovery for me by the way, my old codependent pattern was not to let anyone know it was my birthday- and then feel like a victim when no one remembered.;-)

Aug 23, 2009  4:58 am "Joy to You & Me" (that was original subject - I sent it out a second time with this subject "Trying again - Yahoo really screwed up the first try" because it went out in html.)
To all the Magnificent, sweet, precious beings on my yahoo mailing list,
Hi.  I hope you are all able to align with the flow of life as summer (or winter for those of you down under) comes to an end - and find moments of Joy and peace in your day to day life.

It is always amazing to me when I stop to think about it, how much Joy I am able to in my day to day life - and what a sense of peace and faith underlies my experience of life - because of my codependency recovery.  A quote that I heard in early recovery that I have mentioned often in my writing comes to mind:  "Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, it is peace amidst the storm."  Well the storm of life is ongoing here in Southern California.  Especially the walking the financial edge storm that the economic crises brought on the end of last year.  It is a good thing that Susan is working so hard, because we wouldn't still be floating without her willingness to drive to Orange County and work 5 days a week.

One of the reasons that I am sending this out to this list at this time is to seek some specific help from any angel out there who would be inclined to help.  My next Intensive is in two weeks on September 6th, and I would really love to be able to record it.  As I has mentioned months ago in a message to this list, we did film the May Intensive, but it wasn't usable.  We used Susan's fathers camcorder and it just wasn't the kind of quality that we needed.  The sound wasn't good and I wasn't focusing on the camera, as I guess it is important to do.

So, I would really love to get the Intensive filmed (taped, whatever you call it these days), but short of a major miracle I don't know how we can afford to rent professional equipment to do it. I think it will cost in the neighborhood of $350 to $400 - so I am putting it out to the Universe and this list, that I would love to have an angel / eskimo who would be willing to rent that equipment for us.  (Or make a donation towards that goal.  If we are able to come up with a DVD of the workshop, I will happily send a copy of it to anyone who makes a donation of $50 or more.)

I had hoped to have an Update Newsletter ready in August - and will keep heading in that direction, but don't really think I will find the time before the end of the month.  Right now, in the limited time I have to work on writing and such, I am editing the 8th of the new sites that started launching last October (or I was until I stopped to work in the pages associated with this message.)  This one is codependencerecovery.com and I am almost done with the proofreading and editing that I need to do before I am okay with officially launching it. (This site, and the others, have all been posted for quite awhile - but until I have proof read and done any editing I need to do they are not "official" - so I don't have any links to them anywhere.)

Part of the process of making these sites official is that I need to read all of the articles that are part of the sites.  It has been very interesting (and time consuming given my tendency to write long articles) to reread things I wrote years ago.  I have mentioned before that it is almost always a pleasant surprise to me how good most of my writing is.;-)  And it is really good for me to read them again.  In this latest site is include the series of articles I wrote about Emotional Honesty and Emotional Responsibility.  The five articles in this series are very good I think - and include my article on Setting Personal Boundaries.  That one is a really excellent article that dozens of web sites on the internet refer people to - and numerous professionals have asked permission to use with their clients and groups.  

The one that really struck me reading it this time was the fifth in the series: Discernment in relationship to emotional honesty and responsibility 2.  What really stood out to me about that article as I read through it a week or so ago, was how it talked about living in the gray area.  Specifically I gave an example of how a certain behavior at the beginning of my recovery was dishonest and codependent, while later in recovery that same behavior externally could be a sign of recovery and emotional balance.  It looked the same on the outside but internally everything was different because of my recovery, because of how I was relating to what was happening.  It is quite an interesting article - and series - for anyone who hasn't read it.  Or if you haven't read it for awhile, you might understand it on whole new levels now.  (I am not including a link for that article because I make references to the earlier ones and there is a build up of information and perspective through them that one might miss by just reading that one.)

Once I get this 8th site done then I will be working on the Dancing in Light subscription area - which is a huge task that will take lots of time to read through and edit.  I mentioned in an earlier message to this list that I am taking a couple of pieces of work from my Joy2MeU Journal and adding it to the Dancing in Light material that is on Joy2MeU to create the new dancinginlight.com site.  On the lengthy to do list I have somewhere in the back of my mind, has been writing an introduction to the Joy2MeU Journal information page to explain what that body of work includes and why nothing has been added to it in some years.  I have done that in conjunction with writing this message and invite you to check it out: Joy2MeU Journal (In one of those interesting Cosmic Coincidences, I had decided to use the Help / Donation page linked above without realizing that it contains a quote from the journal within the Joy2MeU Journal.  Until I wrote the new intro for that page, I had been thinking of that journal as involving 43 installments.  I realized in looking back there are 43 installments plus another 15 that were titled as Newsletters or mini-newsletters at the time - thus 58 total web pages are part of that journal.  That journal within the Journal is not going to be moved to the new site.  It is close to a million words and quite indulgent in places I think.  It does contain within it numerous stories that effectively make up an autobiography of my life and recovery - and one of these days I hope to have the time to go into it and extract those stories to put them in some kind of order, either for the new dancinginlight.com or the Journal itself.)

And by the way, I announce on that page that I will be lowering the price of the Journal from $33 to $23 when dancinginlight is launched - and that in the meantime I am offering it for the special price of $19.95.

Below is the latest addition I have added to my page about my precious step grandson, godson Darien - who continues to be an ongoing source of great Joy in our lives.  I added some new pictures to that page also . . . . .

So, that is it for now.  In perfect alignment with the Magical, Mystical, Spiritual Fable that I call the Trilogy - that is part of the Joy2MeU Journal and will also be in the new dancinginlight.com - in which I talk about the Creation Dream that is this experience of being human that we are having - remember to: 

row, row, row your boat gently down the stream,
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

PS  I decided to include a list of the 7 new sites here for the convenience of anyone who is interested.

Robert Burney Live.com

Wounded Souls.com






August 20, 2009
On the way to school this morning, Darien all of a sudden says to me, "I love this world."  And then he said, "I love this world because it is so clean."  Not sure where that came from.  I thought at first he said green - but then he corrected me and said clean.  Then he said, "Is this world immaculate?"  We decided that it wasn't that clean.

Immaculate (meaning really really clean in his definition)
is one of the latest words he has learned at the gym.  There is this young woman who works at the front desk of the gym that is just crazy about Darien.  After she first interacted with him, she went into the kids club to find out what his name was because she was so taken by him.

That first time they talked, he asked her a lot of questions.  She told him that he was very inquisitive.  And then gave him an assignment to remember that word.  The next time we saw her, he didn't remember it - but the following time he did.  And he asked her for another word - and it became a tradition for him to ask her for a new word each time he say her.  The second word she gave him was plethora.  The third word was cornucopia.  When she was explaining what cornucopia meant she said it means you have a lot of different things like apples, and oranges, and grapes.  And he said, "like toys?"

So if you ask him his definition of plethora, it is a lot of things.  Cornucopia is a lot of different things.  Not a precise definition, but pretty good for a 4 year old.  He actually uses plethora in sentences now pretty regularly.  She has continued to give him words - so many now, that even though he usually runs up to her and says "I remember the words you told me." and then starts listing them - there are really too many for him to remember them all now (or her either for that matter.)

He is such a polite and sweet little man.  He will go up to people and give them compliments.  He will compliment his grandma on a new dress or whatever.  One day as we were leaving school, there was a nanny there who picks up twins - and he went up to them and complimented them on what they were wearing.

A new store opened here a couple of months ago, a Smart & Final store.  The first time we were in it, he kept wanting to find out where the toys were - and I kept telling him that I didn't think they had any toys.  This was not a possibility he wanted to accept, so he told me that we needed to ask someone where the toys were.  When we came close to someone who was stocking shelves, he called out to him, "Excuse me sir, where are the toys."   Blew me away.  I had never heard him use the term sir before - although I think I use it to him once in a while.

A couple of weeks later as I was putting him into his car seat, he said "Yes sir." and then got embarrassed thinking he shouldn't call me sir.  I told him that it was okay to call me sir - that he could say "Yes sir Pappa sir."  He made a face, and said, "That is just crazy!"

There was a little girl at his school that started coming up to me every time I picked him up and asking for a play date with him.  Both of them asked me enough that I finally gave her a card with my phone number and told her to give it to her Mommy.  She kept bugging me after that - and he said she wanted a map to our house.  I did end up printing up a map, and her Dad did eventually call (I guess she was bugging him even more than me) - and they had a play date.

The point of the story however is something that happened during this period of time when I was getting bugged.  As we were going in the side gate to our backyard one day, he found a dandelion - which he called a poofy head.  He picked it up and made a wish before blowing on it.  His wish was that he could have a play date with the little girl.

So, he thinks blowing on dandelions is a time to make wishes - and also at night before he goes to sleep.   One day he told me that he wanted to go to the ferris - his word for the County Fair.  He kind of has fair and ferris wheel combined.  He hadn't been to the county fair in almost a year at that point, so it surprised me when he brought it up.  And then he said that he would make a wish to go that night before he went to sleep when it was dark outside - and he did remember to do just that.  I guess he had interpreted Susan telling him about saying a prayer at night as meaning that was a time to make wishes.  The funny thing about it is, that when he brought it up, the County Fair had just started - and neither Susan or I realized it at that time.   Perhaps he heard some other kid talking about it or something - but it seemed to come out of the blue.
father's day
Pappa and Darien on Fathers Day
Ride em cowboy
Riding a pony at the County Fair
With Grandma at breakfast in Cambria
Pappa & Darien in Cambria
He has an amazing memory.  He can remember plots to almost all the cartoons he sees - and he often brings things up out of the past.  He will say, when I was 3 such and such happened - or something to that effect. He is a very smart little boy.  How many 4 year olds do you know that have a vocabulary that includes plethora and immaculate?

One day when I picked him up from school he was very upset.  He said that another little boy - that he had accidentally run into - had threatened to do mean things to him.  On the way home, he was talking about it and said that he thought he shouldn't go to school any more. Another day he told me that if he kept going to school all the time he would end up being too tired and exhausted.

He is a really sweet man, and doesn't like confrontations.  His teacher at the Montessori school was really concerned about him not being tough enough and independent enough for kindergarten - and was really relieved when I told her that we weren't sending him to kindergarten this year.  He doesn't turn five until November, and we want him to be older and bigger before he starts regular schooling.

I have been concerned at times that maybe my role modeling and nurturing approach with him has caused him to not be "tough enough" in being able to stand up for himself.  He tends to admit to being sad instead of getting angry - which isn't bad, but may not serve him to well out in the world.  There was a sign that he is getting better at setting boundaries however in something he said to me last week.  He has developed this habit of taking toys along with him to the kids club at the gym that I take him to.  It is actually more like a strategy.  It used to be that when he went into an environment where there were other kids - like a park or the kids club - he would go up to kids and ask them if they would play with him.  Someplace along the line, he figured out that if he took some interesting toys along with him that the other kids would be drawn to him - and would be asking him if he would play with them. Pretty smart little bugger.;-)  Anyway, last week he wanted to take one of his prized new lego toys with him - and I said something about it might not be a good idea because he might lose some of the little pieces or some other kid might take pieces of them.  He told me, that no he wouldn't lose them - and that when someone had one of his toys and he wanted it back he just talks louder to them and they give it back to him.  He sounded quite proud of himself for figuring out how to set firm boundaries.

Speaking of the legos, he now has several Star Wars sets - one of which included R2D2.  For some reason he had a really hard time saying R2D2.  He kept calling him RAD2.  Finally I typed it in big letters for him so he could see it - and gradually he was able to remember that it was a 2 and not an A.

As I said in the last entries above, it is fascinating to watch his intelligence evolve.  He knows now that it is a joke to say "See you later ham sandwich." instead of taking what people say so literally.  One of the hot things for kids these days is Transformers - which I am not too crazy about personally.  But the transformers fight the Decepticons - and one day I said something to him about the Decepticons would get us - and he just looked at me like I was really crazy and said, "Decepticons are not in our world.  They are not real."

He also has started telling jokes.  His favorite is "Why did the banana go to the doctor?  Because he wasn't peeling very well."

He is amazingly straight forward with me - doesn't try to butter me up in order to get me to do something he wants.  He will do a little low grade kind of manipulations (like telling me he just wants to look at the toys not buy any) - but he doesn't tell me he loves me to try to get something from me.  In fact sometimes when he is doing is "I want to tell you something . . . " thing,  and he is taking some time to try to tell me or ask me what he wants - I will say "You want to tell me what a wonderful Pappa I am."  He just dismisses that out of hand, saying "I know you are a wonderful Pappa." and goes on to tell me what he wants to tell ask me.

So, when he does tell me that he loves me, it is so genuine and touching.  One day a month or so ago, we were laying on the couch at bedtime as I am trying to get him to sleep, and all of a sudden he says, "Do you know what makes me happy?"  And then he said it that playing with his legos made him happy - and listed a couple of other things - and then said it made him happy because he loved me so much.  He said I was the best Pappa in the whole world.  The best Pappa he had ever had.;-)

Earlier this week, at bedtime again, he stood up and said to me, "I love you so much.  You do everything for me.  You do hard things and easy things - but you do everything for me.  Some of them are hard, like putting together my lego starship."

I do do everything for him - and it is really cool that he appreciates that.

He is real clear that I am not Dad - that I am Pappa - and will correct people that ask him that.  His Dad was home on leave from Iraq in April and took him to Disneyland among other places.

Talking to him on the phone shortly after that he said to him, "Are you going to come and play at my house when you are done in Iraq?"
John shorts Disneyland Darien & Dad
Disneyland yawning
Disneyland with Mom and Dad was a long day for a little man.

Play is his life.  He like to play.  The legos are the latest things.  They have these lego sets now that are for Star wars and something called Power Miners (who are in the business of harvesting crystals and have to fight off rock monsters that try to eat the crystals.)  And it is quite a challenge for Pappa to put together some of these elaborate lego toys - especially with him helping.;-)

It is fascinating to eavesdrop on him while he plays in the other room - the elaborate stories he come up with.

Another thing that is so cool about him, is the way he sings and dances for his own enjoyment.  There are times when he is showing off, but more often he tells me to go back in my room so he can dance and sing alone.  He is such an exuberant, Joyous, sweet little boy.  He does make my heart sing and my spirit soar.

One last thing.   On the way home from someplace one day he was talking about wanting the clouds to go away so he can make a wish.  I asked him what he meant, and he said that if there are lots of clouds then you could only get one wish.  So, he wished the clouds would go away so he could see the moon and the stars and when they do then he gets lots of wishes. I ask him where he heard that, and he said, "I made it up."

My wish for him, is that he gets to stay in this environment where he is protected and loved and nurtured and cherished.  And I pray that Susan and I can give him the tools he will need to deal with the kind of wounds that a sweet loving spirit like him will need to deal with a world full of wounded souls and toys that focus on conflict and promote violence.  We have tried to protect him as much as possible, but can't raise him in a vacuum.  We had never gotten him any toys with guns and such, but relatives gave him a Transformer last Christmas - and that kind of opened the door to lightsabers and rockets and such.  

And we can't take away the wounds he has already experienced because of the time and place and circumstances that his Soul chose to incarnate in this lifetime.  

Of course, part of the Divine Plan that is unfolding perfectly, was the Soul contract between his Soul and my Soul that we would meet in this lifetime at the time and place that we did in order to learn about Love together.  He is a precious and wonderful blessing in my life and I thank the Goddess for the opportunity to be intimately involved with this beautiful spirit that is Darien.  ~ Robert 8/20/09

If anyone who feels grateful for my writing and wants to send a little Love back my way, it would be greatly appreciated.

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Links to past Update Newsletters for the Joy2MeU site (launched February 4, 1999) can be found on the Information index page.  - and also at the bottom of the site index page.  Links to the Newsletters of my original Joy to You & Me web site (launched February 28, 1998) can be found on the Joy to You & Me page which list pages from that site not moved to Joy2MeU.

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