A Testimonial for the Intensive Training with Robert Burney

I received a long testimonial from someone who attended the April 5th (2008) Intensive in an e-mail on Wednesday April 9th - and since it was quite long, created a page for it by itself because it fit in with what I said in an announcement I was making in my April 2008 Update Newsletter about offering my Intensive on a cruise of the Caribbean in December 2008.  Since that time I have added some more comments that came in by e-mail at some point after the people attended the Intensive to the lower part of this page.
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The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises

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The Dance of Wounded Souls
Joyously inspirational Spiritual book - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
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Dear Robert,

My comments at the end of the intensive last Saturday were woefully inadequate -- of course, I learned that that was the perfect unfolding according to the Plan -- however, as I have processed more of what I received, I wanted to tell you the following, and feel free to use any of the below on your website, of course, leaving out my name and changing details which could be recognized by my family, and I authorize you to edit, delete, however you feel appropriate:


My heart is full.  You gave me PRICELESS gifts of UNDERSTANDING in your intensive training. 

I have been in therapy on and off for approximately 40 years.  The refrain was continuing:  "You don't like yourself."  And my response would always be, "Yes, I know this.  But how do I BEGIN to like myself?"  There were no answers, just continued dialogue, talking, talking, talking, and I never got better.  Of course, I blamed myself.  As the years passed, the problems continued.  I began to cross-addict:  drinking, smoking, unhealthy relationships, inappropriate acting out, humiliating myself, thus further hating myself.  I would pick myself up, dust myself off, and try with sheer willpower to "do better, be stronger, be GOOD."

Nothing worked.  I ended up a 54-year-old with crappy self-esteem, poor social skills, under-educated and under-employed, with dangerous and sometimes life-threatening methods for periodically releasing my bottled-up emotions.  Last year I contemplated suicide when I found myself living alone for the first time in 25 years.  I isolated, beat myself up, and seldom left the house, except to work.

Robert, you gave me TOOLS -- at last!!!   Concrete, no-nonsense, detailed, direct tools to use to release the emotions that I had kept bottled up since the age of 3 years old.  At that time, my inner child decided that I could make peace out of the chaos in my family by being good, by NOT being a child, and by being quiet and shy.  Of course, this did not work, and erupted in my teen years into eruptions of rage in my family and falling into relationships with inappropriate men.  I was helpless to resist them, craving the LOVE I thought I was finally receiving. 

Oh my gosh!  I now don't have to wonder when I ask myself, HOW do I release my anger, WHAT do I do, exactly WHEN do I do it, and how often.  I have never before experienced such clarity!  Robert, right down to your detailed descriptions of using a plastic bat, the sounds to emit from your throat, THESE ARE CONCRETE TOOLS I HAD BEEN LOOKING FOR ALL MY LIFE!

Secondly, I had told myself for years (sometimes subconsciously) that my parents just hated me and that's why they treated me the way they did.  Of course, there had to be something wrong with me:  chemical imbalance, depression.  A therapist last year told me I just had to get used to the fact that I was "mentally ill."  Wow.  That was a pill to swallow!   How does a mentally ill person, who has been successful in their careers, successfully raised 2 children alone, is a homeowner, and a loved member of a family, think of themselves?  I'll tell you:  With much confusion, chaos, inner voices, and I began to think of myself as just a "tortured being."  It was pretty hopeless.

Less than 24 hours after I left your intensive training, I believe I was actually able to forgive my parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   This is monumental, as I have been trying to do this for 40 years. 

It was so easy:  I finally, finally, finally, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE THINGS YOU SAID, IN THE COGENT, HONEST AND TRUE WAY YOU SAID THEM, realized that my dad does not hate me!!   He had no idea he was making me feel the way he did.  He was dealing with his OWN issues.  He was an honorable man, taught to do the honorable thing.  His anger released at me, and he never, ever intended to cause the harm that I chose to make a permanent part of my being.  He had no idea that he was lacking in the "parent" department or the "loving" department.  His plate was so full at that time trying to make a living, please a wife and do all that he was "supposed" to do, he merely ERUPTED with me as the nearest victim, with the emotions that you taught me had been denied him HIS WHOLE LIFE.  I was able to feel compassion for this man and sorrow for his own repression.

I considered, very seriously, talking to my father about some of these things the day after the intensive.  My pitch would be brilliant and non-threatening.  It would elucidate and heal years of pain between us.  As I sat next to him in church, the tears spilling down my face, he characteristically did not notice my emotional state. However, when the part of the Mass came, the kiss of peace, he reached over and hugged and told me he loved me, as he has done so many times before, but THIS TIME, THIS TIME I believed it, as I am now know I am a wonderful person in this world, and he has been trying to make up for the bad times all his life.  He just does not have the tools.  It was enough.  It was perfect.  Words would only spoil it.

Well, I'm sorry to have written a book here, but I wanted to thank you so very much, Robert, for the wonderful gifts you gave me, which I know I will keep on receiving.  I wish you love and success in your own life, as you so deserve it, and I hope to see you again soon, and/or talk with you via telephone counseling in the near future.

Zip-a-dee-do-dah, Robert .  . . you are awesome.

P.S. I shared with a lifetime friend who has her Masters in Family Therapy, and she said the same thing, "You have been asking for these answers for 40 years, and you finally, finally got them!"  We both cried.  Thanks again.

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"My husband and I went to your intensive last year. I wanted to let you know that I got a lot out the experience. We actually separated for 6 months, and then came back together. We are much happier now. Lots of fertilization and growth....
I came back to your website this week, and I've been reading your newer pages. I really appreciate you writing and sharing them with everyone. Your article on fear is really helping me see some patterns in my life that I can work on.
I hope you and your family are doing well."
Hello Robert,
I want to thank you again for the seminar, to meet you and hear you speak was very therapeutic, very healing to my inner child.  The next day when I woke up very early, I had a cry about my inner child wounds that was very transformative.  I have not cried like that in I don't know how long.  I then went to Coronado island and walked along the beach, totally content with my aloneness and self.  I felt whole, I felt alive, open to all my feelings and emotions, a sense of connection with myself and others that felt awesome. I have since listened to the CDs, and I have furthered my deep understanding of the material you teach. I have cried two more times since I have been back.  I am getting a lot of stuff out and I know I still have a way to go in my grief work.  When I am listening to you, I feel like you are there with me, my friend, confidant, mentor, and brother.  I have had a similar upbringing as you.  I was also raised Catholic by my ever faithful mother, and my father was an alcoholic and rageaholic. My mother was depressive and very passive about my fathers abuse.  I am really understanding, the pain is a gift, all the wounds I feel are a gift, fertilizer for my soul. I can honestly thank the universe for these gifts, and I know I am not a slave to how I react to these gifts or the pain.  I understand where it is coming from now, I can process so much better. I have read the ebook you gave us at the seminar, and I am doing the positive affirmations, it is great. I am going to a John Bradshaw seminar in Houston in a few weeks. It is being held at a Unity church: I am looking forward to it.
Thank you for all that you do, all that you are and all that you are becoming. I love you my friend.
P.S. Give that beautiful 3 year old a big hug for me.  You have helped me be more present to my son and to love him and show him love everyday in an unconditional expressive way. Thanks again, Namaste.
Thanks for your work. As the testimonial on your site says, I wish every person on the planet could read the message you carry. I seem to keep finding people who I believe will benefit and am compelled to share it with as many as I can. It was good to see you again Memorial day weekend. I hope all is well with you and your "family". God smiles on you!
P.S. I picked up a 1 month token this past Tuesday. I have found a personal connection with an H.P. of my understanding as a result of your message. I am forever grateful that He brought our paths together!

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Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney is copyright 1995.  Material on Joy2MeU web site (except where otherwise noted) is copyright 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007,  2008, & 2009 by Robert Burney  PO Box 235401 Encinitas CA 92023.