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grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to
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Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational
The Dance of Wounded Souls
|This section consists of material
focused specifically on romantic relationships.
Love - A column originally written in 1996 that was
expanded as part of the Codependent Relationships Dynamics series in 1999.
This is the updated version that is part 2 of that series. "As
long as we believe that we have to have the other in our life to be happy,
we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply - using another
person as our drug of choice. That is not True Love - nor is it Loving."
Relationships and Valentine's Day - This is the first column
published by Robert Burney in February of 1996. "Traditionally
in this society women were taught to be codependent on - that is take their
self-definition and self-worth from - their relationships with men, while
men have been taught to be codependent on their success/career/work."
Prayer/Meditation on Romantic Commitment - A Meditation/Prayer
written for the Commitment Ceremony of two friends. "In
any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the
Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt and as if the
Love will never go away."
Heartbreak of Romantic Relationships - A 3 page web article
about how we are set up to have our hearts broken in romantic relationships.
one has the power to make someone else love him/herself, we only have the
power to change our relationship with our self. We cannot love someone
else enough to make them love them self."
Part 2 of Heartbreak -
Includes Shame Core - Inner Child Healing and Emotional Dishonesty - Emotional
Intimacy. "It is a double set up for women in this
society. First of all the men were taught that it was not manly to
be emotional and that what makes them successful as a man is what they
produce - and then women were taught that they needed to be successful
in romantic relationships with emotionally unavailable men in order to
be successful as a woman. What a set up!"
Emotional Dynamics of Dysfunctional Relationships - A 2
page web article about the inevitable and normal dynamics of romantic relationships
in a Codependent society. "We need to be willing to
make healing a priority in our life if we are ever going to have a chance
to have a healthy relationship. Unless we are healing we will fall
prey to the very predictable emotional and behavioral dynamics - the
Toxic Romance Two Step - that our emotional
wounds and intellectual programming set us up to keep repeating."
Part 3 of Heartbreak - Includes
Sexuality, Metaphysical, and Reasons to take the Risk. "Romantic
Relationships are one of the most important arenas of Spiritual growth
available to us - it is important to our souls to be willing to take the
risk of Loving and losing. It is also important to our hearts to
take the healthiest risks possible. If we are not doing our healing,
we are doing ourselves the ultimate disservice - we are abandoning and
abusing our self."
Part 2 of Emotional
Dynamics - Includes codependent & counterdependent
and passive-aggressive behavior. "Passive-aggressive
behavior can take the form of sarcasm, procrastination, chronic lateness,
being a party pooper, constantly complaining, being negative, offering
opinions and advice that is not asked for, being the martyr, slinging arrows
("whatever have you done to your hair", "gained a little
weight haven't we?"), etc."
Relationships Dynamics Series of Articles
- This is a series of short articles about the ways in which
romantic relationships in our society are set up to be dysfunctional.
The series of articles was originally published online on the Inner Child/Codependency
Recovery page that Robert edits for Suite101.com Directory - although bits
and pieces of the articles have been part of articles and web pages published
Relationships Dynamics - part 1, Power Struggle -
Relationships are set up to be power struggles because of the shame we
are carrying. "A relationship is a partnership, an
alliance, not some game with winners and losers."
Adventure in Romance - Loving & Losing Successfully -
In December of 1998 Robert had an adventure in romance that proved how
miraculously the healing process works. This is the story of
that experience. "It is a tale of how my greatest
fear came true but my response to it took me to a place of Joy and Love
that is sublimely, exquisitely, magical and mystical - and Amazingly miraculous."
Dynamics - part 2, Dysfunctional Definition of Love -
Column originally published at Toxic Love and then expanded. "True
Love is not a painful obsession. It is not taking a hostage or being a
hostage. It is not all-consuming, isolating, or constricting."
Dynamics - part 3, Codependent & Counterdependent Behavior
- Both codependent and counterdependent behavior are part of the
condition of codependence. "Both the classic codependent
patterns and the classic counterdependent patterns are behavioral defenses,
strategies, designed to protect us from being abandoned. One tries
to protect against abandonment by avoiding confrontation and pleasing the
other - while the second tries to avoid abandonment by pretending we donít
need anyone else. Both are dysfunctional and dishonest."
Dynamics - part 4, Come Here, Go Away - Fear of
imtimacy keeps people in a come here - go away dance. "It
is very boring and incredibly painful to keep repeating dysfunctional relationship
patterns. The way to stop repeating those patterns is to start healing
the wounds that we suffered in childhood."
An Adventure in Romance
2 - Loving & Losing Successfully - "A
paradigm shift occurred in my relationship with being in body on this physical
plane that has unleashed an incredible flow of energy - either that
or I am having a psychotic break. Whatever is happening, I
LOVE being so ALIVE."
(These last two pages are not
linked because as new pages I have chosen to block access to them from
the search engines so that anyone reading them will have to start at the
beginning of the piece. This also allows me to make these pages smaller
by removing some of the identifying info and graphics that are necessary
on any page that may be the first page of the site that someone accesses.
The web articles above that have continuation pages linked are pages that
have already been indexed by the search engines - and as such their URLs
(web addresses) will potentially be floating around in cyberspace forever.)
An Adventure in Romance 3- Loving
& Losing Successfully - "It
Truly is a completely different experience to have a relationship where
my self-worth is not at risk - . . . if my self-worth is not at risk
then another person can only add to me, they have no power to diminish
me. What a gift."
There is also information about romantic
relationships in the True Nature of Love series of articles in the Miscellaneous
Topics & Former Online Columns section. Additionally, there
is a series of articles on Healthy Relationship Behavior (the counterpart
to the Codependent Relationships Dynamics Series) that is on the Inner
Child/Codependency Recovery page I edit for the web directory Suite101.com.
(The pages indexed are linked together
so that you may go from one to the next in the order listed.)