2.  Overgeneralization:
Viewing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.  "Always" and "never" thinking.

3. Mental Filter:
Dwelling on one negative detail, so your vision of an entire situation becomes dark and cloudy, like a drop of ink that discolors an entire glass of water.

4.  Self discount:
Insisting that your own positive qualities and accomplishments "don't count."  Difficulty in accepting compliments.

5. Jumping to conclusion:
A.) Mind reading: you assume you know what someone else is thinking or feeling, and you react as if it were true.
B.) Fortune telling: you predict a future where things can't change or turn out badly.  Creating your own soap opera.

6. Catastrophizing:
Blowing things out of proportion, shrinking your own importance.  Role playing the "King or Queen of tragedy."

7.  Emotional reasoning;
Reasoning from feelings.  "I feel like a failure, therefore I am a failure!"

8. Shoulds:
"Should", "must", "ought to", and "have to" come from a parent or authority figure.  "Should" means "I don't want to, but THEY are making me." Adults don't have "shoulds."

9.  Self labeling:
Identifying with your shortcomings and mistakes, calling yourself names like "stupid", "loser", "jerk", or "fool", instead of pinpointing the cause of the problem so you can learn from it, or try to correct it.

10.  Personalizing and blame:
Blaming yourself for something you weren't entirely responsible for, or how someone else feels.  Conversely, you may blame other people, external events, or fate, while overlooking how your own attitudes and behavior may have contributed to the problem.

Here is that longer version:

All-or-nothing thinking

You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure. When a young woman on a diet ate a spoonful of ice cream, she told herself, "I've blown my diet completely." This thought upset her so much that she gobbled down an entire quart of ice cream!

Overgeneralization

You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as "always" or "never" when you think about it. A depressed salesman became terribly upset when he noticed bird dung on the windshield of his car. He told himself, "Just my luck! Birds are always crapping on my car!"

Mental filter

You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water. Example: You receive many positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.

Discounting the positive

You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count." If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the positive takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

Jumping to conclusions

You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. Mind reading: Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you. Fortune-telling: You predict that things will turn out badly. Before a test you may tell yourself, "I'm really going to blow it. What if I flunk?" If you're depressed you may tell yourself, "I'll never get better."

Magnification

You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the "binocular trick."

Emotional reasoning

You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reject the way things really are: "I feel terrified about going on airplanes. It must be dangerous to fly." Or "I feel guilty. I must be a rotten person." Or "I feel angry. This proves I'm being treated unfairly." Or "I feel so inferior. This means I'm a second-rate person." Or "I feel hopeless. I must really be hopeless."

"Should statements"

You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herself, "I shouldn't have made so many mistakes." This made her feel so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days. "Musts," "oughts" and "have tos" are similar offenders.

"Should statements" that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general lead to anger and frustration: "He shouldn't be so stubborn and argumentative."

Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and should'ts, as if they were delinquents who had to be punished before they could be expected to do anything. "I shouldn't eat that doughnut." This usually doesn't work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite. Dr. Alber Ellis has called this "musterbation." I call it the "shouldy" approach to life.

Labeling

Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." You might also label yourself "a fool" or "a failure" or "a jerk." Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but "fools," "losers," and "jerks" do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration, and low self-esteem.

You also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: "He's an S.O.B." Then you feel that the problem is with that person's "character" or "essence" instead of with their thinking or behavior. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves little room for constructive communication.

Personalization and blame

Personalization occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulties at school, she told herself, "This shows what a bad mother I am," instead of trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to her child. When another woman's husband beat her, she told herself, "If only I were better in bed, he wouldn't beat me." Personalization leads to guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy.

Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways that they might be contributing to the problem: "The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally unreasonable." Blame usually doesn't work very well because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will just toss the blame right back into your lap. Its like the game of hot potato - no one wants to get stuck with it.

You can get through dark situations, too.  You can take care of yourself and trust yourself.  Trust God.  Go as far as you can see, and by the time you get there, you'll be able to see farther.

It's called One Day at a Time." - The Language of Letting Go

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie is a great daily meditation book that is full of Love and great insight.  A invaluable resource in recovery - every recovering codependent should have a copy. 

Refuse requests without feeling guilty.

Be competent and be proud of my accomplishments.

Feel and express anger.

Ask for affection and help (may be turned down, but can ask.)

Be treated as a capable adult.

Be illogical in making decisions.

Make mistakes - and be responsible for them.

Change my mind.

Say, "I don't know."

Say, "I don't agree."

Say, "I don't care."

Offer no reasons or excuses for justifying my behavior.

Have my opinions be given respect.

Have my needs be as important as the needs of others.

Tell someone what my needs are (they may not care to do anything about it.)

Evaluate my own behavior, thoughts, and emotions and be responsible for their initiation and the consequences upon myself.

Take pride in my body and define attractiveness in my own terms.

Grow, learn, change - value my age and experience.

And sometimes to make demands on others.

Original Source Unknown

In Dance 2, I talk about the growth process as being an upwardly spiraling process - and use an example from my Trilogy where my Unicorn / Higher Self and I are discussing the Medicine Wheel.  Sacred Circles are not really circles at all - they symbolize levels in a Sacred Spiral that is spiraling upward in a circular pattern.

A Unicorns horn spirals out of it's forehead - out of the Third Eye Chakra of Spiritual Vision.
So, you can see that the spiral is an important symbol to me.

I mention the upwardly spiraling nature of the growth process briefly in my February Update this year.  Here are a few lines from the quote I used in Dance 23 from that Update - along with an excerpt from later in on that page.

"The thing that I wanted to share here about the Spiritual growth process, is that a measure of a person's Spiritual growth, of the level of enlightenment / consciousness they have reached, is not how high they feel when feeling their best, but how high they feel when feeling their worst. . . . . 

. . . . As we grow and change our relationship with self and life, we raise the range of our emotional experience of life.  There will always be relative highs and lows in our experience of life. . . . . . 

 . . . . . . In part 3 of the The True Nature of Love series I talk about Love as a vibrational frequency.  It was studying Quantum Physics and realizing that life, the whole Universe, is a dance of energy, that not only caused a major paradigm shift for me, but also contributed to the title of my book The Dance of Wounded Souls.  When I say we raise the range of our emotional experience of life, I am using that reference to apply to different facets of this process, but on one level it is a reality of vibrational interaction - something I talk about in my Trilogy and mentioned briefly in my series on emotional honesty and responsibility.

" . . . . . . . our repeating patterns are in fact a reflection of the Octave Principle (do, re, me, fa, etc.) in energy interactions dynamics.  In our disease we keep repeating the same octave over and over again - and sometimes even descending to lower octaves.  In recovery we are spiraling upward to new levels - so that each "do" feels somewhat like the "do" before it, but in reality reflects a higher vibrational level - a Higher level of consciousness, a more enlightened perspective." Discernment in relationship to emotional honesty and responsibility ¹

In recovery, we are spiraling upward on a path of Spiritual awakening - so there is no reason to judge and shame our self for the notes that are playing in our lives today.  The times when we are most scared and confused, when we feel we are "falling apart" and "losing it," are the times we are growing the most, the times when we are being raised to a new octave - and the times we most need Love and nurturing. (Loving and Nurturing self on your Spiritual Path)  The less we judge and shame our self - and take action to align with Truth - the more our dance starts to harmonize with Love.  The more we are willing to clear up our own inner process, the easier it becomes to remember, and tune into, the music of Love and Joy.  We are all connected.  We are all part of ONE Source Energy.  We are all Loved Unconditionally.  Our True essence is Love." Joy2MeU Update February 2003

We are all experiencing a Spiritual evolutionary process which is unfolding perfectly and always has been.   Everything is unfolding perfectly according to Divine plan, in alignment with precise, mathematically, musically attuned laws of energy interaction. 

In my book, words, phrases, sentences that I felt were exceptionally important were italicized (although the ones in the Swan story were italicized as they were in the Medicine Card book - and in writing this, I realized that for much of this writing frenzy I have not inserted the italics in the quotes that I have used - oh well.)  The basis for this quote about laws of energy interaction is something that I wrote in my Trilogy at least 10 - and possibly as long as 14 - years ago.

"The energy patterns of interaction with the Illusion are governed by precise mathematical formula.  The language of mathematics as presently understood by humans does not, however, have a large enough perspective to include all of the levels of multi-dimensional interaction.  In other words, mathematical formulas now known to humans can be applied to many of the interactions within the Illusion but not to all.

What is valuable to us in this explanation is the language of music (which is of course mathematical.)  For interactions of the multiple levels of vibrational frequency on horizontal planes in relationship to vertical interaction are governed by the musical octave principle.

[This refers to vertical (up and down) interaction on horizontal planes - in other words, the movement higher or lower of energy within a horizontal perspective is governed by the octave principle.  Horizontal interaction on vertical planes - that is the expansion of the Illusion downward or upward on the vibrational scale is governed by a different principle which involves divisions of twelve.  I have not yet gotten clear on what this principle is but expect to learn more about it when writing Book 2 of this Trilogy and studying the Mayans who understood the importance of the number 13 in a way that has not been revealed to me so far.]

If you look in your dictionary, you will find a definition of octave similar to this one:

Octave: (in music) - the eighth full tone above a given tone, having twice as many vibrations per second, or below a given tone having half as many vibrations per second.

So the Universe works horizontally in it's vertical interaction based on the principle of 'do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do', with each 'do' (or fa or whatever) having twice as many vibrations per second (if ascending), or half as many (if descending.)  This is why the Illusion has so many divisions of seven.  There are sevens within sevens in relationship to sevens, because the octave principle governs vibrational frequency interactions within the horizontal reality of the Illusion. . . . . . 

. . . . And it is because of the octave principle that the illusion contains multiple levels which reflect each other.  Each 'do' is a reflection, a reverberation, of the 'do's above and below it - as well as the other 'do's on all of the other levels, in all of the dimensions.  This of course also applies to the 're's, 'me's, etc.

So in a very real sense the interaction of vibrational frequencies within this Cosmic dance of energy is musical.  And the more one tunes into the music of Love and Truth, the more Joyous the dance becomes." - The Dance of the Wounded Souls Trilogy Book 1 History of the Universe Part VI Notes to Earthlings

"Due to the planetary conditions, the human ego developed a belief in separation - which is what made violence possible and caused the human condition as we inherited it. The reflection of that human condition on the individual level is the disease of Codependence. Codependence is caused by the ego being traumatized and programed in early childhood so that our relationship with ourselves and the God-Force is dysfunctional - that is, it does not work to help us access the Truth of ONENESS and Love. It is through healing our relationship with ourselves that we open our inner channel and start tuning into the Truth." - Jesus & Christ Consciousness

I started writing my book about the terrorist attack of September 11, 2001 a few days after watching the towers of the World Trade Center crumble in explosions of dust and debris.  I started writing because it was such an obvious manifestation of codependency from my perspective.

"In my definition codependence is not some term of pop psychology.  It is a word that for me describes not only individual human behavioral defenses, but the human condition itself.  It is really a lousy word for that purpose - but it is the word I have.

In my book I interweave a macrocosmic perspective of human life (the Cosmic Perspective) with a microcosmic perspective of the individual human process.  I do this because the macrocosmic is a reflection of the microcosmic - without is a reflection of within.

Our society declares war on symptoms instead of healing the cause.  We have a war on crime, a war on poverty, a war on drugs (illegal drugs that is).  Obviously fighting a war on symptoms does not work - it's backwards, it's dysfunctional.

The wars outside of us are a reflection of the war within.  Humans have been at war within and without for thousands of years.  The wars, the violence, the rape of mother Earth that is happening, are all caused by the war within being projected outward.

It is all caused by warring on ourselves.  By judging and feeling ashamed of ourselves for being human - and by fighting our own emotional process.

The way to stop the war within is through healing and learning to Love our own inner child/children.  The inner child is the gateway to discovering our True Self - to reconnecting with the Great Spirit.

I have wanted for years to print a bumper sticker that says:

"Work for World Peace - Heal your Inner Child"

Because that is the only way it can be done.  That is the only way that will work.

Saddam Hussein was beaten by his stepfather on almost a daily basis - he was emotionally abandoned and shamed by his mother.  He is just an Adult Child acting out of his childhood trauma.  Because of his broken heart and wounded soul and reversed thinking, he has been trying to prove to himself that he is the biggest kid on the block, and that his parents should not have treated him that way.  He has caused hundreds of thousands of people to be killed in the process.

Work for World Peace: Heal Your Inner Child is not some cute little saying.  It is a Metaphysical Truth.  It is the key to transforming the human experience from one based upon fear to one based upon Love.

In this article, I am going to be addressing both the Cosmic perspective and the personal individual process - because they are so intimately interrelated.  Learning to manifest Love within - and overcome our toxic shame about being human - is only possible through integrating Spiritual Truth into our emotional process.  And integrating Spiritual Truth into our subconscious programming - the intellectual paradigm that was imposed upon, and adopted by, us in childhood - is only possible through owning the emotional wounds.  Doing the emotional healing and changing the intellectual paradigm we are allowing to define our life experience are two different levels of work - but they are intimately interrelated and intertwined." - Attack on America - A Spiritual Healing Perspective & Call for Higher Consciousness Chapter 1 published September 22, 2001 on Joy2MeU.com

"In my first attempt at this article it spiraled off into the realm of Metaphysics - specifically an explanation of the vibrational dynamics of the growth process from an energetic perspective.  An explanation of how our repeating patterns are in fact a reflection of the Octave Principle (do, re, me, fa, etc.) in energy interactions dynamics.  In our disease we keep repeating the same octave over and over again - and sometimes even descending to lower octaves.  In recovery we are spiraling upward to new levels - so that each "do" feels somewhat like the "do" before it, but in reality reflects a higher vibrational level - a Higher level of consciousness, a more enlightened perspective. . . . .

. . . . . The point that I want to make about this however, is that in recovery we are spiraling upward.  We go through different levels, different stages in our growth process.  The "do" I hit upon in my discussion of romantic relationships above, is probably quite a few octaves higher than where I was when I started recovery - but it still feels somewhat like, resonates with somewhat the same vibration, as the "do" from over 17 years ago when I got into recovery.  (Actually, though the basis for my codependence recovery was laid in my first few years of recovery from alcoholism, my conscious codependence recovery began on June 3, 1986 - so it is possible that my relationship to romantic relationships didn't start ascending until then.)  I mention this to emphasis how important it is to not shame and judge ourselves for how we feel - because sometimes when we break through to a new level, a new octave, the familiar feeling /  reverberation of it causes the critical parent voice, the old tapes, to feed us the lie that we have slipped backwards, that we are at the bottom of the whole process again and have made no progress.  The feeling of shame, of having made a mistake, of failing because we feel like we are in the same place again emotionally, is a product of the old wounds and the dysfunctional perspectives of the disease.

We are Spiritual beings having a human experience.  Life is not a test that we can fail.  It is a process of learning to accept that we are Lovable and worthy no matter what we feel.  Life is a journey that we are being guided through, not punishment for being unworthy - or something we have to do "right" in order to transcend.  Recovery is a process of learning to own that who we are is Transcendent Spiritual Beings so that we can integrate that Truth into our emotional relationship with life." - Emotional Honesty and Emotional Responsibility part 4: Discernment in relationship to emotional honesty and responsibility ¹

I have talked in other places - starting with that October 2000 Update - about how my process always brings me back again to my fear of intimacy.

"Of course part of the reason that I was willing to make the changes which have resulted in the lifestyle changes and weight loss, was the processing I did in my October Update.  That processing started the paradigm shifting.  Touching on the deeper level of pain and terror in relationship to my fear of intimacy issues started the energy moving in a new direction, started a domino effect that would result in the breakthrough I just had.  It caused enough of a shift for me to become willing to start shedding some of my defensive armor.  Even though I ran away from the issues terrified on one level, I knew I would get back to it and that it was crucial.  I knew the process would unfold perfectly, that I just had to go with the flow and pay attention.

And here we are back at my fear of intimacy again.  An upward spiral returning to the same notes on a different level.  Very fascinating process it is." Dance 9

I would depict it a little differently than this, primarily to represent the major breakthroughs / milestones a little better, and to show the line being drawn as moving in a spiraling pattern as it spirals up through levels - that is spiraling horizontally as it moves in an upwardly spiraling pattern vertically - but I think it gives you a visual of basically what I am talking about.

I am going to be using references to our upwardly spiraling growth process in future installments of this processing - to explain the dynamics of our relationship patterns among other things - but the primary reason for focusing so much of this page on leading up to and explaining the dynamics of the growth process is to remind you and me of the Truth of Grace.

A "state of Grace" is the condition of being Loved unconditionally by our Creator without having to earn that Love.  We are Loved unconditionally by the Great Spirit.  What we need to do is to learn to accept that state of Grace.

The way we do that is to change the attitudes and beliefs within us that tell us that we are not Lovable.  And we cannot do that without going through the black hole.  The black hole that we need to surrender to traveling through is the black hole of our grief.  The journey within - through our feelings - is the journey to knowing that we are Loved, that we are Lovable.

It is through willingness and acceptance, through surrender, trust, and faith, that we can begin to own the state of Grace which is our True condition.

We are all beautiful swans who exist in a state of Grace, in a condition of being unconditionally Loved.  The dance of Recovery is a process of learning to accept and integrate the Truth of Grace into our lives. 

This is not a test we can fail.  This is not prison, and we are not being punished.  This is boarding school and we do get to go home when we graduate - when the curtain rings down on our part in this particular play.

This is the age of awakening, of raising our consciousness, of becoming aligned with Divine Truth.  This age is the time of atoning, of tuning into the higher vibrational emotional energy of Love, Light, Truth, and Joy.  This higher vibrational energy is the homing beacon that guides us back home.

There is a reason that we never felt at home here.  It is because we have felt disconnected, and then when we made all those attempts to reconnect, we were dialing the wrong number.  We were looking outside for the answers.

This is not home.  This is also not a prison. This is boarding school and we are getting ready for graduation.  And it is all a perfect part of the Divine Script.

We are here to experience this human evolutionary process.  The more we awaken to the Truth of who we are (Spiritual beings) and why we are here (to experience being human), and stop giving power to the false gods of money, property and prestige; people, places and things; the more we can celebrate being here! 

"Anytime I have a chance to speak my Truth, to share the beliefs and knowledge which I so passionately embrace, I get to touch the Divine.  I get to be a channel for Love to flow through.  (One of the things I want to talk about in this Newsletter is that it can be easier to be a channel for Love to flow through than a receptacle for Love to flow into.)" - Joy to You & Me and Joy2MeU Update10-20-2000

Whitfield Recovery Resources - Free recovery resources for addiction, PTSD, adult children of dysfunctional families and other childhood trauma from Charles Whitfield MD, author of the best selling book, "Healing the Child Within" (Which I recommend on my Joy2MeU Bookstore page). Spiritual Emergence and awakening help from Barbara Harris Whitfield, author of "Spiritual Awakenings," "Final Passage," and "Full Circle." A free site dedicated to recovering the Whole Person.