** As I was writing the above, "putting out a message" wasn't nearly strong enough to describe what I was feeling. The word that came to mind was bellow - which reminded me of Moose Medicine and led me to this quote from my November 2002 Update Newsletter.
I trumpet and broadcast proudly out into the Universe: my commitment to my recovery journey; to my Karmic mission; to speaking my Truth; and say: "Bring it on Bubba baby!" Because it is so worth it! Every second of suffering and pain, terror and loneliness, is worth being able to access the Truth of Unconditional Love. Amen. So be it. So it is. Blessed be.
Should be interesting to see what happens now, don't you think. ;-)
PSS. This is so perfect, I just couldn't help including it. When I reread what I had just written above, and saw the word trumpet, it brought to mind the Moose totem in the Medicine Cards. I looked up from my computer at my calendar - and guess what the picture for November is: Moose. The theme of Moose medicine is self esteem - of course
Here is a quote from the Medicine Card book about the significance of Moose:"The bellow of the male Moose can be viewed as a positive force, since it represents his willingness to "tell the world" about his feelings.
This "tell the world" trait contains a joyfulness which only comes from a sense of accomplishment. There is no greater joy than a job well done. This trait is therefore not a seeking of approval, but rather an enjoyment of sharing because of the spontaneous explosion of joy that comes from the deepest part of one's being."
I actually sent out - bellowed out - the message to the Universe "Bring it on!" - that is bring on whatever lessons I need to learn to open up to Love, 4 times in Update Newsletters between December 1998 and December 2004. I got my heart broken 3 times - and then in 2005 I found my sweetie who I have now been with 6 years and who I got married to last January. Recovery is a precious gift that I am soooooo grateful for. Being willing to take the action to face my fears and go through the black hole of my grief has brought me great rewards - and I am very proud and grateful for the accomplishments that resulted from my Spirit leading me to honor my Spiritual Path and go where I was guided.
So with a "joyfulness which only comes from a sense of accomplishment" Happy Birthday to me in a "spontaneous explosion of joy that comes from the deepest part of one's being."!!!!!!! ~ Robert 7/20/11Here is an excerpt of a "Happy Birthday to Me" message I sent to my Yahoo Mailing list the next day 7/21/11
"This Yahoo mailing list is the place that I most often get to write about what is happening in my life and process now - since I only have time to do Update Newsletters once or twice a year. So, I am now going to go into a lot more detail about what is going on, and what I feeling about it all.
When I was writing that yesterday - and as I am writing about it today - I feel so much Joy & gratitude for my recovery process, and for how focusing on my healing and sharing it through my writing has touched the lives of so many people. It is such a miracle.
And just that little bit of writing I did yesterday got me in touch with the feeling of how awesome the process can be for me at times. I had the thought about saying that I was celebrating my 39th birthday just because that is one people like to say they stopped at - but then I realized which birthday was my 39th and how important it was. And when I wrote the next part about saying I was open to receiving financial gifts - and was reminded of the Moose Medicine - it was a magical moment for me. The kinds of moments I used to have in my writing all the time.
I don't have time to write these days. As I explained in the Author's Foreword to my new book.
"My personal inner child healing has been so successful that I have gone from living in isolation with a relationship phobia and a terror of intimacy to celebrating the 6th anniversary (June 15th 2011) of living with someone in an intimate relationship (that became a marriage in January 2011) that has included the precious gift of being the primary caregiver in raising an amazing little boy for the past 5 plus years (my wife's grandson who is now 6 1/2.) As a result I don't have time to write much these days - and haven't for the last 4 to 5 years."So, it is really great to get a chance to write - even if it is only a little. And writing helps me to get emotionally honest with myself. Writing that yesterday really got me back in touch with the Joy and gratitude that I feel for my spiritual path - and with how far I have come and how hard it has been. And writing about this today has taken me into some grief about how hard it still is in many ways. . . . . . I am going to be 63 on Saturday. I sure never expected to get this old. And I just wish it wasn't so hard to pay the bills.
But these are just feelings of the moment. The aren't my total reality or my Higher Truth. Everything will work out some how, some way. It is important to own these feelings. My glass is much more full than it is empty - but it is vital not to deny or judge and shame myself for the part that is empty. Writing this has let me release some of the pain and fear. Hopefully sales and gifts will come flowing in in abundance. Maybe I will win the lottery. ;-)" - "Happy Birthday to Me!" Message to Yahoo Mailing list Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:04 pm (I am not sending messages to that Yahoo group any more - and haven't for years - but the old posts are still there if anyone wants to check them out.)
(In early 2012 I moved the above excerpt to the last Update Newsletter I posted in February of 2012.)
7-22-17 So now on this day before the 30th Anniversary of my 39th Birthday, the being that taught me so much about Love - Darien (who is now 12 3/4) - and I are making a trip to Cambria, as I say on my Working the Third Step page: "Darien and I are going up to Cambria for my birthday on July23rd - going to be looking to see if we can find some place affordable for us to live up there. (I updated my Darien page for the first time in 5 years - and included some links to pages where I talk about my relationship with the Central Coast.)"
It would really be great if it proved possible for me to move back up to a place I loved to live, but I can also accept it if the Universal Plan is for us to stay down here for another school year. And it would be really great if I received a lot of financial gifts on my birthday - and it will be perfectly okay if I don't get any. What I know today, is that I have made my mark, I have left my legacy, I have affected the collective consciousness on the planet. My work has improved the lives of probably hundreds of thousands of people, maybe more. I can say that I have great Joy at a job well done - and though I love hearing from people how my work has changed their lives, I don't need other's approval to know that I have accomplished my mission. "This "tell the world" trait contains a joyfulness which only comes from a sense of accomplishment. There is no greater joy than a job well done. This trait is therefore not a seeking of approval, but rather an enjoyment of sharing because of the spontaneous explosion of joy that comes from the deepest part of one's being."
As I say on my Metaphysical Law: Giving and Receiving ~ Donations / Love Offerings "I freely share so much information on my site because . . . I believe it is my Karmic Mission in this lifetime. I want to share the Joyous message and the precious information that I have discovered - and it is what I need to do for my Recovery and Spiritual Path." I have shared from the deepest parts of my being because it is what I needed to do for me. It is what I will keep doing as long as I am in this body. I am eternally and everlastingly grateful for the gift of being a messenger of a message of Joy to You & Me. And I am very grateful to be able to spend the 30th anniversary of my 39th birthday in Cambria with my buddy Darien! ~ Robert 6:22 am 7/22/17
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