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". . . . I am going to be sharing how my fear of intimacy caused me to sabotage my latest romantic relationship which in turn led to me opening my heart in a Truly magnificent way. In order to lay the groundwork to explain the great breakthrough I had in my personal growth process - which also turned into the single most excruciatingly emotionally painful experience of my recovery - I am this month going to share a summary of my relationship patterns which were driven by my fear of intimacy issues."On this page is an article by inner child healing pioneer / Spiritual Teacher / codependency therapist on his fear of emotional intimacy defenses.
"I did not again in the next twenty years, make the mistake of getting involved with someone who was available enough to have the power to hurt me like that. I pursued only unavailable women. I always had someone unavailable that I was obsessing over, trying to figure out how to get her to see how wonderful we could be together. (This was completely unconscious and something I only realized looking back at my patterns in recovery.)"
"It was my emotional incest issues that really dictated my emotionally intimate relationships. Obsessing about someone who was unavailable, feeling betrayed by their inability to see our potential, feeling abandoned when they rebuffed me, was the less painful of the two extremes that my spectrum in relationship with romantic relationships involved. The result which would have been more devastating - in my subconscious emotional perspective of the options available to me - was getting into a relationship with someone who was available and being revealed for the shameful, unlovable being that I felt I was."
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|This ia an article that is part of a series of articles
which were focused upon issues involving gender, sexuality, romantic relationships,
and directly related topics. This article Fear
of Intimacy - Relationship Phobia was originally published
online May 31, 2004 on Robert's Inner Child / Codependency Recovery page on
the Suite101.com Directory. There is a list of - and
links to - the other articles in this series on Suite 101 on the Suite101 Articles page.
The original article was used to create this page on Joy2MeU in June of 2005.
Go to Codependent Defenses - Part 1 The Gatekeeper
For more articles on Romantic relationships, see the Relationship section.
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Fear of Intimacy - Relationship
Phobia was originally published online on
May 31, 2004 on my Inner Child / Codependency Recovery topic page on the