Alcoholism and Codependence - Two Fatal Diseases - an index of web pages

"I bring the term "milestone" up at this point because the term "Codependent" has evolved out of a vitally important event or milestone in this century. A milestone whose ripple effect has been vitally important in laying the groundwork for the change that has taken place in human consciousness.

I believe that in a hundred years historians will look back and pinpoint this milestone as the single most important event in the twentieth century. This milestone was the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous in Akron, Ohio, in June of 1935.

Besides the invaluable gift of sobriety that AA has given to millions of Alcoholics, it also started a revolution in Spiritual consciousness.

The dramatic success and expansion of AA facilitated the spread of a radically revolutionary idea which has traditionally, in Western Civilization, been considered heresy. This was not a new idea but rather a reintroduction and clarification of an old idea, coupled with a formula for practical application of the concept into day-to-day human life experience.

This revolutionary idea was that an unconditionally Loving Higher Power exists with whom the individual being can personally communicate. A Higher Power that is so powerful that it has no need to judge the humans it created because this Universal Force is powerful enough to ensure that everything unfolds perfectly from a Cosmic Perspective.

Welcome to a page of Joy2MeU The Web Site of Spiritual Teacher, codependence counselor, grief therapist, author, Robert Burney and Joy to You & Me Enterprises Go to Home Page  Site index page Robert is the author of the Joyously inspirational book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls Announcing:  Joy to You & Me Enterprises is offering a series of Intensive Training Days with Spiritual Teacher, inner child healing pioneer Robert Burney.  Learn his innovative Spiritual Integration Formula for Inner Healing.  For the locations and dates of upcoming appearances go to Day of Intensive Training.

This reintroduction of the revolutionary concept of an accessible Loving God has been clarified to specifically include the concept that the individual being can define this Universal Force according to his/her own understanding, and can develop a personal, intimate relationship with this Higher Power. In other words, no one is needed as an intermediary between you and your creator. No outside agency has the right to impose upon you its definition of God. The spread of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the other Anonymous programs which sprang out of AA, is the widest and most effective dissemination of this radical revolutionary concept that has ever occurred in Western Civilization.  Mystics, gnostics, and certain "primitive" peoples have, throughout recorded human history, understood the Truth in this concept - but the "organized religions" of urban-based civilizations have persecuted, tortured, and crucified any messengers or groups of people who believed in a Loving, personal God or Goddess - because it threatened the power of those organized religions' control over the masses and therefore their very existence. This time the dissemination of the message has been effective because: The time was right; the revolutionary concept was camouflaged as part of a successful treatment for a fatal, incurable disease; and it was accompanied by the Twelve Step Spiritual program.  The Twelve Step program of AA provides a practical program for accessing Spiritual power in dealing with day-to-day human life. A formula for integrating the Spiritual into the physical. Even though some of the steps, as originally written, contain shaming and abusive wording, the Twelve Step process and the ancient Spiritual principles underlining it are invaluable tools in helping the individual being start down, and stay on, a path aligned with Truth. It is out of the Twelve Step Recovery movement that our understanding of the dysfunctional nature of civilization has evolved. It is out of the Alcoholic Recovery movement that the term "Codependent" has emerged." (Text in this color is used for quotes from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney)  "I believe that the great majority of Alcoholics are born with a genetic, hereditary predisposition that is physiological. Environment does not cause Alcoholism. Robert was not an Alcoholic because he was shame-based - it was because of his shame that he could not stay sober. He had a blustery, 'hail-fellow-well-met', in your face kind of ego-strength that was very fragile. As soon as he got sober his ego defenses would fracture and the shame underneath would cause him to sabotage his sobriety.  That doesn't mean that people who can stay sober don't have shame. Some of us just have more ego defenses that buries the shame deeper. That is good news in early sobriety because it helps one to stay sober. It can be bad news later on because it can cause us to resist growth and to not have the humility to be teachable.  The reason that I am alive today is because I was able to go to treatment for Codependence in my fifth year of recovery while working as a therapist in a treatment center. I had sworn that I would kill myself before I drank again and the feelings which were surfacing had me close to it when I went to Sierra Tucson. That was where I met Robert.  What killed my friend were the grave emotional and mental disorders caused by growing up with parents who did not love themselves in a dysfunctional family in an emotionally-dishonest, Spiritually-hostile, shame-based society. What killed Robert was his Codependence. His relationship with himself was full of self-hatred and shame and he couldn't stay sober long enough to get to the point where he could deal with his childhood issues.  Robert was born with a genetic predisposition to have a fatal disease, Alcoholism. His childhood inflicted a second fatal disease on him. My friend Robert was one more of the many Alcoholics to die of Codependence." - The Death of an Alcoholic

The Death of an Alcoholic  -  An article about a friend of Robert Burney - who was also named Robert.  "My friend Robert was one more of the many Alcoholics to die of Codependency."

Questions about Alcoholism - Answers to some questions about alcoholism. "The most Loving thing friends and families can do for an alcoholic is to quit enabling them by rescuing them from consequences."

Grave Emotional and Mental Disorders - An article about "grave emotional and mental disorders" which is AA language for Codependence. "Bill Wilson would have loved to have had the tools we have available to us today. He would have run to an ACA or CoDA meeting because that is where he could have found the roots of the depression which tormented him."

Expectations & Serenity -  A column about how it is very difficult to have any serenity if our expectations are not realistic.  "By having expectations I was giving power away. In order to become empowered I had to own that I had choices about how I viewed life, about my expectations."

Gratitude  -  A column about how gratitude is one of the most important tools in the recovery process.  "Ninety-eight per cent of the time when I am in fear it means that I am in the future.  Pulling myself back into the now, turning the future over to my Higher Power, and focusing on gratitude, frees me to have some happy moments today."

The Miracle of The Twelve Step Process:

The Miracle of The Twelve Step Process - The twelve steps are a formula for finding some Spiritual integration and emotional balance in life.  "I am profoundly, deeply, everlastingly grateful for the gift of the 12 steps.  The process of learning to apply the Spiritual Principles in my life has changed my life from an unendurable hell to an adventure that is exciting and enJoyable most of the time."

The first three steps -1, 2, 3, and a 1, 2, 3 - the Recovery 3 Step.  "When I first came to the program I would not even use the word God - and thought that these people must be a bunch of religious fanatics."

4 thru 9 "The Clean Up Steps." - Step 4 inventory. - Step 4 is where we start getting honest with our self and taking responsibility for our side of the street.  "I hate the term "defects of character."  There could be no better term to describe toxic shame.  That is what I felt most of my life - that I was somehow defective, that something was wrong with who I am."

4 thru 9 "The Clean Up Steps." - These are the "house cleaning" steps, where we can start seeing the past more clearly so that we can identify our patterns, uncover our denial, and learn how to take responsibility for our lives.  "The old adage "that you are as sick as your secrets" has a great deal of Truth in it.  The reason it is so important to bring our secrets to the Light is because they are hurting us."

10 thru 12 - The Maintenance Steps Part 1 - These three steps are vital in working an ongoing spiritual program, an active and successful recovery program. "It is very common when applying the tenth step in our life to make an amends for our part in an incident at the same time we set a boundary with another person in regard to their part."

August 25, 2003, I have added two articles originally published on Suite101 to this site:

To Parents of Alcoholics / Addicts -  An article written in answer to an email from a parent who wanted to know if she caused her son's drug addiction. "Parents do not cause their children to become alcoholics - or drug addicts.  Alcoholism / addiction is not caused by environmental factors.  It is a physiological, genetic allergy - a hereditary predisposition involving brain chemistry."

Enabling & Rescuing vs Tough Love - A follow up article to the one to parents of alcoholics / addicts, explaining enabling and tough love.  "A person who is acting out self destructively has no reason to change if they do not ever suffer major consequences for their behavior.  If they are rescued from consequences, they are enabled to continue practicing their addiction."

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